


I am Who I am.

by BuckyBarn3s



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/M, Happy Ending, Lilith is a Bitch With a Big Mouth, Non-Con but like... Later, Supportive John Winchester, Trans Character, Transgender, Transgender Dean Winchester, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 11:25:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 25,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20025016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuckyBarn3s/pseuds/BuckyBarn3s
Summary: Transgender!Dean moves to a new town. Yet again. She hates moving all the time because once she gets to being accepted, father dearest gets transferred again. John is constantly apologizing to Deanna about having to move, but with Mary's unfortunate passing, Deanna can't stay in any place definitive. She's waited so long to finally become how  she sees herself; female. Sure, she's got a more masculine body, but with surgical help, she can be more feminine.In this new town, she meets a boy. She doesn't meet him in school, because, well, it's summer. He's a very sweet boy who doesn't know her secret. She's scared to see how he'll react. She's scared to get attached because, what if she has to move again?





	1. Chapter 1

"I'm so sorry, Deanna." John apologized again. "I hate doing this to you all the time."

"I know. I get it though. Job needs you to move, so you move. I'll be fine." Deanna said. She tossed her dad a tight smile. She really did understand. Didn't mean she had to like it. 

Deanna turned to look in the back seat and saw her little brother, Sam, fast asleep across the bench seat. She smiled and turned back around. 

"You know, I was thinking." John started. "Since you're seventeen now and you have a license, maybe you would like to have this old girl."

"What?" She asked dumbfounded.

"You know, I'll be getting a new truck in the town we're living in so you can take Baby. You do need a ride around town if you want to go shopping or whatever, and I figured you didn't want your old man dropping you off places." 

"Dad." She breathed. "You're giving me Baby?"

"On one condition. You keep her maintenance."

"Yeah, Dad. Of course. I mean, wow." She sat back in her seat and tugged on her skirt. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, sweety." John smiled at her. "Now, what do you say we stop and get something to eat?"


	2. Chapter 2

John pulled into the drive of the little house the company had found for him. He handed the house keys to Deanna

"Why don't you go on in? I have to go look for a decent truck so you can have Baby." 

"Okay. See you later." Deanna smiled and got out of the car. Sam followed suit and went behind the car to grab their bags. They hoisted their bags up on their shoulder and walked up the sidewalk and into the house. 

Deanna looked about and saw the home was fully furnished, thankfully since they didn't have anything but their clothes and a few other things. 

Sam silently went around the house and found a bedroom. He set his things down and looked forlorn at the barren room. Eventually the boxes they had packed would show up at the house and they would be able to decorate their rooms appropriately. 

Deanna found the room destined to be hers and put her things in the corner out of the way. She sat on the edge of the bed and sighed at the pale blue walls. 

She stood up and smoothed her skirt out. She walked around the house, exploring the utility room, kitchen and living room. 

She heard the doorbell ring throughout the house.

Deanna went to the door and peeked out the door to see a red headed girl standing there practically vibrating in place.

"Hello, my name is Charlie Bradbury. I just saw you come in and figured I would introduce myself." She smiled and extended her hand. 

"Deanna." She responded as she shook the obviously hyper girl's hand. 

"You're awful pretty, aren't you?" Charlie said as she tilted her head.

"Thank you." Deanna was surprised. People usually didn't call her pretty. They called her freak, but never pretty. 

"So, you have just moved here. Do you know anyone here?" Charlie asked. 

"Here, why don't you come in." Deanna said, realizing her manners. Charlie smiled and accepted her offer. "And no, I don't know anyone."

"Well, now you know me." Charlie flopped on the couch like she belonged, and Deanna guessed maybe she would. 

"Hey, De, do you th-" Sam stopped short. "Hello, who is this?" 

"Oh, I'm Charlie. Nice to meet you."

"Sam." Sam reached out and shook her hand. 

"So, either of you got dates back where you come from?" Charlie continued to lounge.

"No, we don't." Sam said as he slouched down into a recliner. Deanna felt awkward being the only one to be standing, so she sat primly on the second recliner. 

"So, you're available?" Charlie smiled at Deanna in what seemed to be a flirtatious manner. 

"Yes." Deanna looked at her sideways with her brows drawn.

"No, you're straight, aren't you?" Charlie said over dramatically. 

"I prefer the male sex, yes." Deanna responded. "I'm sorry?"

"Oh, don't be sorry. I just had my hopes up I'd get myself a piece of arm candy." Charlie shrugged. Deanna looked baffled. Arm candy? Her?

"Sorry, Deanna's a bit of a weird one. She doesn't understand she's beautiful." Sam glared at Deanna pointedly. 

"Why not? She is." Charlie took her turn to be baffled. 

"Because I look like a boy." She responded, glaring right back at her brother. 

"Ah, nonsense. I think you are very pretty." Charlie sat up and patted Deanna's knee. "I think there is someone who would be interested in you, if you would like to meet my friends?" 

"I suppose." Deanna shrugged noncommittally. 

"She'd love to." Sam interjected. "She needs a group of friend's here anyway."

"Excellent!" Charlie exclaimed clapping her hands. "They'll adore you! It's about time we had a shy girl in our group to corrupt!" She hopped up. "Well, I'll see you girls later!"

Sam shook his head. He could see there would be no point in arguing with the scary neighbor girl. 

Moments after Charlie left, the doorbell rang once again. This time Sam answered. 

"Hi, I'm Lilith." She smiled with a too big mouth, obviously looking Sam up and down. 

"Can we help you?" The hair on the back of Sam's neck rose. Bad territory.

"I just wanted to introduce myself to my new neighbors. I live across the street. I had to wait until that Charlie trash left." Lilith pushed past Sam into the living room. "Oh, hello there. You must be..."

"Deanna." She waved shyly.

"We are expecting our father to be home soon, and I don't think he would be pleased to have a strange girl in our house." Sam said as he grabbed Lilith's arm and steered her towards the door.

"But we didn't even get to introduce ourselves properly." She pouted.

"Shame, isn't it?" Sam closed the door behind the creepy girl. New development: Charlie is tame compared to the bad energy Sam got from Lilith.

"God, she was strange, wasn't she?" Deanna said. 

"Yeah, I did not get good vibes from her." Sam shivered dramatically. "She looked at me like I was something to eat."

"I can't believe you nearly outed me to Charlie though!" Deanna stood, skirt flaring gently from her sides.

"I didn't almost out you to her. I simply told her you are insecure. Not a lie." Sam shrugged and flopped onto the couch. They'd have to get the TV hooked up to a satellite company, but as it was, they didn't have TV to watch. 

"I'm tired." Deanna said as she stood up. At least the house had electricity and water, or so they said. 

Deanna found the bathroom and turned on the water faucet. Water came out much to her joy. She went to her bedroom and grabbed a slim dress and clean undergarments. Maybe she'd go out to see a movie later after dinner. 

She went into the bathroom and stripped down. She looked shamefully down at her manhood. It was annoying having those pieces a part of her. She hated them. She was ready to get the procedure to complete the change. She already had breasts due to the hormones she had been taking for quite some time.

She hopped into the shower and washed clean. 

Once dried, she slipped into her undergarments and dress. 

Deanna padded out of the bathroom and put her dirty clothes in a small pile in a corner of the room. It would do until she had a hamper.

"Deanna." John called out.

"Yeah, Dad?" She said as she came out of her room. She saw him holding up the keys. 

"She's all yours. Keep her clean, 'kay?" 

"Of course." Deanna said as she gingerly took the keys. 

"You have to come with me so I can get the truck. I found one that's a beauty." John turned and left the house, stopping only to holler at Sam in his room to be good. "Remember, you're driving."

Deanna carefully slid behind the wheel and caressed the steering wheel as John took his seat in the passenger side. She started up the car and relished in her sound. She pulled out of the drive and followed John's instructions to the car dealership. 

When they arrived, John leaned over and kissed Deanna on the head. 

"I'll see you later, okay?" 

"Yeah, of course." Deanna smiled and watched her Dad walk up to the salesman. 

Deanna drove home and picked up Sam.

"C'mon. We can see the town." Deanna said. Sam agreed. She wasn't tired any more. She wanted to drive Baby. 

Sam shrugged noncommittally and got in. 

Deanna drove round the town, memorizing the routes to get places as she went. She found the theater and decided she definitely wanted to go see a movie later. 

**********************

She made it home and pulled into the drive. Sam got out and walked up into the house, Deanna not far behind. She glanced at the clock. 

5:37

Might as well see if there is any food in the house. Much to her relief, the fridge was pleasantly stocked as was the pantry and cupboards. 

Deanna set to making some hamburger patties. Sam always loved them. 

John made it home just as Deanna was putting a couple of the patties in a pan she had been happy to find. 

"Ah, De, you didn't have to make dinner." John said, though he was happy she did. 

"I needed something to do." She shrugged. "It was close enough to dinner so I started. Hamburgers okay?"

"Yeah, sure thing, honey." John shrugged off his coat and draped it over his arm. He progressed to his room and put things away. 

When they sat down to eat, Sam immediately took a huge bite out of the burger, rolling his eyes back and sighing through his nose. Deanna laughed merrily at her brother's obvious pleasure to have one of the homemade burgers. 

"Thank you, Deanna." John said happily taking a bite of his own burger. 

"You're welcome." She smiled

"Gah, his is ood!" Sam mumbled around the burger.

"Thank you, Sam."

"Don't talk with your mouth full, boy." John admonished.

"Sowwy." John rolled his eyes.

"Dad, do you mind if I go to the movies tonight?"

"No, not at all. Are you taking Sam?" 

Deanna shrugged. "I don't know. Do you want to go, Sam?" He only shook his head and took another bite. "I suppose not, then." 

"Well, have fun. Don't make too many boys swoon." John patted her hand and smiled. 

"I won't, promise."


	3. Chapter 3

Deanna collected the dishes after supper and set about washing them.

"No, honey, Sam can do that. You cooked." John intervened. Deanna smiled and lowered her head. She dried off her hands and patted Sam's disgruntled shoulder. He didn't complain though. He didn't mind doing the dishes when Deanna cooked. 

"Thanks, Dad." Deanna said. "I'm just gonna go, okay?"

"Sure thing. Be good." John smiled from his seat on the couch, newspaper in hand. 

"I will." Deanna padded into her room and found her black flats, slipping them on. She grabbed the leather jacket John had given her and slung it on her shoulders. She snagged the keys to the Impala and went on outside. She took a deep breath and smiled. 

Perhaps this town would be different. 

()***********()

"C'mon, Cassie, you promised you would go to the movies with me tonight." Charlie begged. 

"I know I did." Castiel grumped. "Doesn't mean I have to be happy about it."

"Oh jeez, Castiel. Would it kill you to read a book, watch a movie?" Meg groused at him. 

"It could, yes." He replied with snark. 

"Shut up. Come on. Now. We have to see this movie. It's the last freakin' one of the installment." Charlie begged. 

"What's in it for me?" Castiel asked.

"What if I told you Benedict Cumberbatch voiced Smaug and Luke Evans is in it?" 

"I know Benedict Cumberbatch plays Smaug. I know Luke Evans is part of it. I saw the first two with you, dammit." 

"All the more reason!" Charlie exclaimed. 

"Fine. But this is the last time I ever go see one of these with you." Castiel amended. 

"What's wrong with going to the movies with me?" Charlie asked, feeling insulted. 

"Nothing against you, but I just want to stay here and never come out." 

"Whatever. Get off your ass and put on some shoes." Meg pulled Castiel's limp hand. "We don't have long and if we want to catch the beginning we have to get on."

Castiel didn't respond, only went to grab his thick boots and push his feet into them. 

Charlie tugged everyone from Castiel's house and shoved them into her car.

When they arrived at the cinema, Castiel got out and stretched out his back, hearing two pops from his spine. Charlie once again grabbed hands and dragged them along. We stood behind a girl wearing a leather jacket and a pale blue dress (skirt?). 

"Deanna?" Charlie said to the girl. The girl turned around, eyes wide and overly green.

"Charlie?" She asked, voice a bit deep. 

"Well, I wasn't expecting you to be here!" 

"Yeah, you either." Deanna smiled a small, obviously nervous and shy smile.

"Anyway, this is the guy I was talking about introducing you to." Charlie snagged Castiel's arm and yanked him forward. "Castiel, this is Deanna. Deanna, Castiel." Charlie smiled like she was proud of her self. 

Deanna extended her hand to Castiel politely, same smile on her lips. "Hi."

Castiel shook her hand, surprised by the strength of her grip. 

"Hi." 

Deanna pulled her hand from Castiel's and turned back around, walking up to the window, getting her tickets for the movie she wanted to see. 

"The Hobbit." She said quietly and paid for her ticket. She nodded to the clerk and went into the theater. 

"Why didn't you say more to her?" Charlie demanded as she slapped Castiel's shoulder. 

"What was I supposed to say to her?" Castiel rubbed the sore spot.

"I don't know! More than hi!" Charlie punched him again. 

"Charlie, let the boy be and get your tickets." The clerk, who turned out to be Lisa, said. 

"Hi, Lisa. Did you see that girl? Isn't she cute?" Charlie asked, handing over the money. "Hobbit, please."

"I did. She is cute. A little masculine though." Lisa passed her the tickets. 

"So? She's still beautiful, but she doesn't think so." Charlie just rolled her eyes. 

"Just go on, guys." Lisa shooed them away. "She's watching the Hobbit, too."

Charlie waved to Lisa and smiled. She handed some money to Meg to get some drinks. She went to find their theater and went in. She looked around and spotted Deanna at the back in a corner by herself. 

Charlie carefully approached her and saw she had nothing to drink. Charlie whipped out her phone and sent a quick text to Meg telling her to get a fourth drink for Deanna. 

Charlie pulled down the seat next to Deanna and sat down. 

"Why are you by yourself?" Charlie asked. 

"Sam didn't want to come. Dad needed rest." She shrugged seemingly uncaring. 

"Ah." Charlie settled back in the seat. "Castiel and Meg, that was the other girl outside, are getting some drinks. I told them to get one for you."

"Oh, no, you didn't have to do that." Deanna said, instantly in a small mode of panic. "I can't pay you back. I just spent the last of my money on a ticket to see this."

"You aren't going to pay me back. I am doing it out of generosity. You need some friends and I am going to be your friend whether you like it or not. Okay?" Charlie grabbed Deanna's hand, making her flinch unnecessarily. Charlie instantly let go, not saying anything about it. 

"Okay." 

Charlie saw Castiel and Meg at the bottom, searching for them. She lifted one arm in salute, gaining the attention of Castiel. He nudged Meg and pointed as best he could with two large drinks, one in each hand. Meg nodded and began the long trek up the steps. Charlie winked at Deanna and walked down to the end of the aisle. She ushered Castiel and Meg down the aisle, behind Meg. 

Castiel went to sit in the seat one over from Deanna, but Charlie grumped and told him to scoot down one, so that he was right next to Deanna. 

Deanna only smiled nervously and took the cup offered to her by Castiel. She set it in the cup holder and folder her hands in her lap as she looked to the screen waiting for the movie to start. 

Castiel looked over at Charlie, eyes wide and accusatory. Why did he have to sit next to her?

Charlie only glared and pointed. She sat back and crossed her legs. 

Meg leaned over and whispered in Castiel's ear. "Be nice to her, understand me, Clarence?" 

"Yeah, of course." Castiel leaned back and waited for the movie to begin. 

******************************

Deanna had relaxed a bit during the movie and was sitting on one hip sort of with her head tilted toward Castiel, cheek in palm. It was kind of endearing. 

She sat up straight close to the end and vocally protested, but quickly covered her mouth with her hand when she noticed. She looked sheepishly over to Castiel, Meg, and Charlie. 

Walking out of the theater, Charlie was going on about the movie and Peter Jackson. Castiel carefully tuned her out, opting instead for watching Deanna. She didn't quite have the same sway most girls did, but she did have beautiful legs flowing from beneath her dress. She twirled the end of her hair between her fingertips as she listened to Charlie go on and on. She would smile and suppress her laugh. Castiel kind of wanted to hear it. 

"I'll see you guys later." Deanna said as she walked away, walk self-conscious like she knew she was being watched. 

"She's kind of interesting." Castiel said absently, eyes widening slightly when he saw her sink into the driver seat of an Impala; '67 Chevrolet Impala in black, for god's sake. "And she drives a beauty of a car."

"I knew you would warm up to her." Charlie smiled triumphantly. 

"C'mon, did you see the way she was sitting in the theater? It was cute, the way she sat on the one hip." Castiel said, hands thrown up in surrender. 

"You know, she's my neighbor. Just moved in today." Charlie said as she slid behind the wheel. 

"Oh, yeah?" Castiel said.

"Yeah. Wanna come over tomorrow?" 

"Sure. What's on the agenda?" 

"Well, you know how they just opened up the swimming pool? Yeah, I'm gonna ask Deanna if she would like to go and I'm just gonna drag her with us." Charlie started up the car. "Meg, you better find your swimsuit, girl. If you don't have one, I will buy one for you, understand?"

"Yes, I do." Meg rolled her eyes. 

"I've said it before, but you're a controlling little shit, aren't you?" Castiel asked rhetorically. 

"Damn right. Wear those blue swim shorts. They match your eyes." Charlie said, driving carefully along. 

"Yes, dear." Castiel rolled his eyes and watched the streetlights as they passed beneath them, the steady pulse making his eyes droop until Charlie was unceremoniously shoved at his shoulder. 

"Get out and get some sleep. I'll be here at about ten, okay?"

"Sure." Castiel stumbled sleepily up the steps of the porch and into his bedroom. He toed his shoes off and shimmied out of his jeans and shirt. He crawled beneath the sheets, groaning in pleasure as he sank down into the soft bed. 


	4. Chapter 4

At eleven a.m. the doorbell rang, rousing Deanna from a pleasant sleep. She stumbled out of bed and walked toward the door, knowing Sam would be asleep and her dad would be at work. 

She opened the door to squint into the sunlight and saw Castiel. Her eyes instantly widened, as she slammed the door shut. She leaned her back against it.

"Deanna?" Castiel asked through the door.

"Yeah?" She croaked. 

"Are you okay? It's me, Castiel."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I remember you. Just give me a minute, okay?" She asked. 

"Sure, okay." The confusion was evident in his tone. 

Deanna rushed to the bathroom and looked at her reflection. She looked horrible! Her hair was up in a terribly messy bun on her head and her eyes were sleep encrusted and her face was shiny. Not to mention the ratty old t-shirt and baggy shorts settled on her hips. She groaned internally. At least she had gotten the hair removal therapy, or she'd have some unsightly stubble to remove.

She rushed back to the door and called to Castiel, confirming his presence. 

"Um, you can come in if you'd like." She cracked the door open and allowed him through out of the heat. "You can just sit on the couch if you'd like while I become presentable." 

"Sure, sure." Castiel sat down. 

Deanna practically ran by and felt his eyes on her, making her all the more skittish. She bolted into her bedroom and closed the door. She found her makeup bag that held her brush. She hustled to get her hair out of the disgusting bun and brush it out. 

Deanna grabbed her makeup wipes and began to meticulously wipe the sheen from her face. She whipped off her shirt and slid a bra on. The shorts soon too fell to the floor as she grabbed a pair of underwear, tucking everything away so as to be discreet. She snagged a deep green skirt and a short sleeved shirt, sliding them into place. Brushing through her hair once again she looked in her full length mirror. She grimaced. 

Despite feeling completely awful, Deanna opened the door and saw Castiel sitting with his palms on his knees, seemingly scared for his life. 

"Ah, Deanna. Who is this?" Her father asked. 

Son of a bitch.

"This is Castiel. I met a girl yesterday when she came to introduce herself. When I went to the movies, she was there with friends. She introduced me to him." Deanna quickly explained, smoothing her skirt in her nervous habit. 

"Uh huh." John looked Castiel over carefully, eyeing up the young boy. "Can I talk to you real quick?" He asked Deanna.

"Yes, of course." Deanna walked into the kitchen out of earshot of Castiel. 

"Does he know?" John asked, not having to specify.

"No, he doesn't."

"Does he think he has a chance with my baby girl?"

"I don't know that he is interested in me." Deanna blushed at the implication.

"Oh, he does. I saw his eyes when you opened the door." John chuckled lightly. "Despite his fear of me, his eyes flitted over to your door and softened when he saw you. It's how I used to be around your mother's father." John smiled sadly. "And he's only known you for a few hours."

John glanced out to Castiel. "Don't let that boy break your heart. You'll have to tell him some time and I would rather it not be too far in the future."

"I know." And she did. She knew all to well. 

"Come on, lets go strike fear into that boy's heart." John winked and smiled. He walked out into the living room once again. "So, what are you doing calling on my daughter?"

"My friend, Charlie, wanted me to see if Deanna would like to join us to go swimming in the new park, sir." Castiel said as he stood up. 

"Why couldn't this Charlie come instead?"

"I think she is trying to set Deanna and myself up, to be honest, sir." Castiel responded. Deanna blushed. 

"Is that so?" John turned to look at Deanna, one eyebrow raised and a smile playing on his lips. He was enjoying finally being able to torment the potential boyfriend. 

"Yes, sir." 

Sam chose that moment to come stumbling out of his bedroom, messy haired and shirtless. He froze when he saw Deanna, John, and Castiel. 

John turned around and saw Sam.

"I'm just gonna go...." Sam walked slowly backwards back into his room. Whatever he was going to do could wait. 

"Why don't you go get Charlie, since she is a neighbor?" John suggested. If he could meet all of the people his little girl was going to hang out with, he might as well do it now, on his lunch break.

"Yes, sir." Castiel turned and walked calmly to the door. Once he was gone, John turned to Deanna.

"How was that?" He asked playfully. 

"I think you made him nervous." Deanna scolded. 

"That was the point, sweetie."

"Can I come out now?" Sam called. 

"Yes, son." 

Sam came creeping out and saw the stranger was gone. 

"What the heck was going on?" He asked, scratching his stomach. 

"Deanna here had a caller." John wiggled his eyebrows. 

"You sound so old fashioned." Deanna complained, a smile on her lips.

"Is that so? Did you meet him at the movies last night?" Sam quizzed as he walked by.

"And if I did?"

"Nothing, nothing." Sam shook his head and disappeared into the kitchen. 

The doorbell sounded again. 

"Come on in." John called, settling into a recliner, offering Deanna the arm of the chair. She sat down and felt John's arm settle around her side in a comforting manner. 

Castiel, Charlie, and even Meg came in the door. 

"Hello, I'm Charlie and this is Meg." The red head introduced, coming forward to shake hands with John.

"John Winchester." John shook her hand and smiled. "So, are you trying to set my baby girl up with this young man?"

"Yes, sir." Charlie announced. "This ship will sail."

"Ship?" John asked confused. 

"Don't ask." Castiel and Meg said in unison, groaning when Charlie began to explain. 

"When you want to people to be together, like I want Castiel and Deanna, you ship them, meaning you put them in a relationship. Doesn't have to be romantic; it could just be platonic." Charlie said. "Now when this 'ship' is one you feel is just meant to be, we call it an OTP, meaning One True Pairing. There are other variations, I am sure." 

John nodded. "And you ship my daughter with him?" 

"Precisely." She smiled at his apparent comprehension of Fandom Speak. 

"So you sent him to ask her to go swimming."

"Yes." Charlie gave one nod. 

"What part does Meg play?"

"I am part three of the Charlie and Castiel show. I ride with them, and they keep me out of trouble." Meg answered for herself. 

"I see." John nodded. "What time can I expect Deanna back?"

"Six or seven, I'd say." Charlie offered her answer.

"Do you want to go, Deanna?" John asked her. She just fish-mouthed, unknowing of her own answer. 

"She'll go." John gave her a small squeeze round the waist in reassurance. 

"Great!" Charlie clapped. "We'll be back over in half an hour to collect you. We will see you some other time, Mr. Winchester." 

"Just call me John." He smiled after the exiting trio.

"Sure thing!" 

"Well, that was enlightening." Sam said from the kitchen doorway. 

"Yeah. That Charlie girl is interesting." John said as he stood up. "Go on and get your swim clothes on." John pushed Deanna gently along. 

Deanna went back into her bedroom and dug around until she found the deep green one piece and some short black shorts. She slowly undressed, pondering how her life had suddenly become interesting. 

She slipped into the green suit and tugged the shorts on. She grimaced at her figure in the mirror as she pulled a shirt over top of the suit. 

Deanna braided her hair to pig tails on either side. She appraised her look once again and sneered. This was the best she could do. She hoped they wouldn't hate her for being ugly. 

"I'll see you guys later. I gotta get on!" John called as he left. 

"Bye!" Deanna and Sam called. 

Sam came by and knocked on Deanna's door. "Stop worrying about how you look, De." 

"Easy for you to say." She grumbled as she opened the door and let Sam in. He flopped onto her bed and stared at her as she paced. "You aren't the one who identifies as a girl and has a dick."

"It's not your fault and you know it." Sam said. "Besides I don't think Charlie would give two shits about it. In fact, just by judging what I know of her, she would be ecstatic to know. Meg doesn't look like she would bat one eyelash at it. She'd probably shrug and-"

"It's not them I worry about, Sam." Deanna stopped and looked at Sam. "Dad says it looks like he may be interested in me. What if he is and he thinks I'm physically a girl all the way? He would probably flip his shit if I told him."

"So what are you going to do?" Sam sat up. "Let his interest trip into liking and eventually into liking a bit more than just liking? What if you end up in a relationship with him and - I hate to say this - he wants to go further and then he finds out about the anatomical issue? How do you think he would feel about that, Deanna?"

"I know, Sam. I know. How am I supposed to tell him? Oh, hey, by the way! I have a dick!" She snapped. 

"I don't know, De, but you have to let all of them know some time."

"Know what?" Charlie asked from the doorway. 

"Nothing!" Deanna was quick to say. Charlie narrowed her eyes. 

"I'll let that slide for now. We need to get going." Charlie stated. "See you later, Sam." 

"Bye, Sammy." Deanna waved and smiled painfully. 

"Don't call me Sammy!"


	5. Chapter 5

"Maybe we should take my car." Deanna suggested after seeing the tiny sardine can Charlie drove. 

"I won't say no!" Castiel chimed in. "As long as I get shotgun."

"I don't see why not." Meg said. "The three of us don't fit nicely in your car, Char, Deanna's is bigger and, no offense, prettier."

"I guess." Charlie said looking between her car and Baby. "Lets go."

"I'll go get my keys." Deanna walked up the sidewalk and went back in the house. 

"Back already?" Sam commented.

"Change of plans. We're taking Baby, since she's bigger." Deanna grabbed her car keys and a towel she realized she had forgotten. "See you later."

She ran outside and slid behind the wheel, everyone else taking places in the car. She turned the key and sighed at the sound. 

"Someone's going have to direct me." She said.

"Sure thing." Castiel responded smiling at her. 

***********

Several wrong turns later, the arrived at the water park and piled out. Deanna was smiling as she walked up to the entrance. Charlie walked ahead and paid for the four of them. 

"How do you have so much money to do this, Charlie?" Deanna asked. "Are your parents well off?" 

"My parents died a long time ago." 

"Oh, I'm sorry." Deanna's smiled dropped. "I didn't mean anything."

"It's okay. You're new here and you would find out eventually." Charlie smiled and walked in the park. "Lets go have fun, ladies."

"And Castiel." Deanna added with a big smile. 

"Yes, and Castiel." Charlie said as she walked. 

Deanna followed her with Castiel and Meg behind her. 

.

Castiel admired the shape and smoothness of Deanna's legs. They were beautiful, even with the bow to them. He liked the way her legs were golden brown all the way up until they disappeared into her shorts. 

"Stop ogling her ass." Meg said. 

"Not ogling her ass. Just her legs." Castiel responded, a smile on his lips as he looked down at Meg.

"Oh, same difference." Meg laughed and set her things down next to Charlie's. Charlie and Meg stripped off their shirts to reveal two pieces, Meg's black and Charlie's looked like golden armor. Castiel pulled his shirt off to reveal a nice body and excellent hipbones. Deanna, however, didn't take off her shirt. Instead she sat down in one of the chairs. 

"Aren't you going to get in?" Charlie asked her.

"I will in a little bit. I just want to sit here for a minute." Deanna smiled amiably. 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah. Go on. I'll be fine." 

"Yeah, you two go ahead. I'll stay here with her." Castiel took a seat and shooed the two girls away. 

"Come on, Meg, let us leave these two be." Charlie winked at Castiel and walked away. 

Silence ensued for several minutes. 

"Why don't you take your shirt off?" Deanna looked over at Castiel. "Oh, crap. I didn't mean it like that. I just mean, you must be too hot." He spoke.

"I know what you meant, Cas." She gave a small chuckle at his expense. 

"Did you just call me Cas?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just give everyone nicknames." 

"No, it's cool. Just new." Castiel said through a smile. 

"What are doing with the trash gang?" A voice said from Deanna's other side. She looked up and squinted at the form of Lilith. "Surely you have better standards than that."

"Leave her alone, Lilith."

"Poor thing need to correct her mistake while she still can." Lilith said. "You don't really want to hang out with these people. They're freaks." She whispered the last part like Castiel wouldn't hear her.

"I'm a freak, too, so I'll fit just fine." Deanna said confidently. 

"You aren't a freak, Deanna." Castiel said.

"You just don't know me." She said as she looked over at him. She looked back up at Lilith. "Please leave."

"You know this won't be good for you, don't you?" Lilith said lowly.

"And I honestly couldn't care less." 

"Shame." Lilith walked away, swinging her hips exaggeratedly. 

"Who put that stick up her ass?" Deanna asked. 

"I don't know. It's been up there so long, she'll need a surgeon to get it out." 

"Why does she think you're a freak?" 

"When she first moved here she was used to getting what she wanted from who ever she wanted." Castiel shrugged. "She wanted me and I said no. She then spread rumors about me throughout the school saying a whole plethora of things that everyone believed because she had a 'pretty face.'"

"What about Charlie and Meg?"

"Well, Charlie is a lesbian and so exquisitely nerdy it's not even funny. Lilith thinks she is an abomination because she likes other girls. Meg is... different. She used to be part of Lilith's gang, but she moved sides. I've never been to sure about her motives, but she says she came to distrust Lilith immensely. That's all she says on that." Castiel explained. 

"So basically, if you aren't like her, you're considered a freak."

"Yep."

"Well then. Good thing I told her I was a freak anyway." Deanna let loose a small laugh.

"Yeah, about that." Castiel turned to look more directly at Deanna. "What makes you a freak?"

"Nothing I want to discuss in public ears." Deanna went to stand and shucked her shirt. "Come on, lets go get in the water." She reached out her hand to Castiel. He took it and stood, walking with her to the small pool where they could just sit. 

Castiel sank down into the cool water relishing the relief from the sun. Deanna sat slowly on the ledge under the water and sighed herself when she became surrounded from the belly up. 

Castiel noted her swimsuit was a dark green one piece that dipped low in the front and had a high back. It looked stellar on her. 

"Why did you leave the shorts on?"

"Comfort level. I don't feel comfortable with them off." She played with the water beneath her fingertips. 

"That's cool." Castiel nodded. He didn't like her feeling uncomfortable with the way she looked. She was beautiful. "So, what do you like to do in your free time?" 

"Oh, nothing remarkable." 

"I'm sure it'll be interesting to me." 

Deanna looked at him through the corner of her eye and blushed. She was cute when she blushed. 

"I read, watch movies, and write a lot." She stretched her legs out. "I'm just kinda boring all around. What do you like to do?" 

"I actually do whatever Charlie wants me to. She needs me to write a scene for one of her fanfictions, I usually do. She then goes in and changes everything." He laughed. "I don't have a life outside of Charlie."

"What's up, bitches?" Charlie asked as she slid beneath the water next to Deanna. 

"Where's Meg?" Castiel asked.

"Had to pee." Charlie shrugged. 

"Ah." 

***************

The day passed pleasantly after that, each of them casually getting into splash fights until a surly adult stopped them. 

By the time they needed to go, Charlie was properly sunburned, having ignored her need for sun screen. Deanna had just gathered more of a tan while Meg and Castiel were lightly burnt. 

"I am so jealous of your complexion." Meg said as she sat down on a towel in the backseat. 

"Girl, I'm the one crisped up. I should be jealous." Charlie griped. 

"I guess I got lucky." Deanna smiled at her friends and started the Impala. 

She drove home and pulled into the drive next to her dad's truck. 

Charlie hopped out and dragged Meg over to her own house. Castiel got out and stood awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot.

"Thanks for inviting me." Deanna said softly.

"It was Charlie's idea." Castiel came around the car and leaned against it next to Deanna. "Maybe you would like to hang out with me some time? Just us?"

"Sure. I mean, I wouldn't mind." Deanna played with her hands and smiled. 

"Cool." Deanna looked up just in time to see Castiel's hand grab her chin. He kissed her on the cheek and walked over to Charlie's. Deanna just watched as he went, one hand on her kissed cheek. 

She went in the house and found Sam lounged out on the couch watching TV.

"TV company came today and set it all up while you were gone." Sam said. 

"Thanks, little brother." Deanna said, ruffling his hair as she went to the kitchen. She found John there eating a grilled cheese. "Hey, Dad." 

"Hey, baby girl. How did today go?" He said around food.

"Pretty good. Everyone got a sunburn, but me." She laughed at that. 

"You got good genes, darling." 

"Castiel asked me out, I think." She said suddenly.

"Why do you think?" John leaned back in the seat a bit to analyze his daughter.

"He asked if I wanted to hang out, just the two of us."

"That is a date, baby girl."

"You sure?" She asked, a bit skeptical. A date... with her?

"Yes. Quite sure."

"He kissed me on the cheek, you know." She felt the blush in her cheeks again.

"Definitely a date then." John smiled and hugged his daughter. 


	6. Chapter 6

John got off for July 4th so he could spend this holiday with his kids. He didn't get days off often, so he took it where he could get it.

Deanna was excited for the party Charlie was throwing. She had a new purple dress that molded to her figure until it got to her hips where it fanned out and stopped above her knees. She was gonna wear simple black flats as well. 

Deanna and Castiel had been going very slow, not that she minded. They often went on double dates with Charlie and a girl named Gilda. He never did more than hold her hand and peck a soft kiss on her left cheek, sometimes a soft hug. 

She had yet to tell anyone her secret, though. Even a month in to knowing them, they still don't know. 

Deanna decided tonight would be the night she told Charlie and Meg. She was going to work her way up to telling Castiel. Plus she wanted to get Charlie's advice on the matter. 

"Hey, Deanna!" John called from the kitchen

"Yeah!" 

"Do you think Charlie's folks would mind if I brought some fireworks of my own?"

"No, I don't think so. Do you want me to go over and ask?" 

"Would you?" 

"Yeah, be back in a minute!" Deanna swept her hair back in a haphazard ponytail and walked over to Charlie's. She walked in and found Charlie's foster mom in the kitchen icing cupcakes.

"Oh, hello, darling!"

"Hello. My dad was wondering if it would be alright if he brought his own fireworks to set off."

"Yes, of course. We don't mind at all." She smiled and wiped her forehead and smeared some red icing.

"You've got some icing on your forehead." Deann laughed and walked over to Mrs. Bradbury. "Here, hold on." Deanna grabbed a paper towel and wiped the icing off, carefully removing all traces.

"Thank you,dear."

"No problem, Mrs. B." Deanna trashed the paper towel. "I'm gonna head back over to the house and get ready. See you later." 

"Bye bye." 

Deanna walked back home and found her dad elbows deep in dough.

"She said it was alright if you brought some of your own." Deanna walked closer. "What are you doing?"

"I found an old recipe of your mom's for cinnamon rolls." He pushed down on the dough, forcing a cloud of flour to explode outward. "I tried making a double recipe, but I didn't anticipate how difficult it would be to knead the dough."

"Poor thing." Deanna laughed. "You know they're not going to be done by the time it's time for the party, right?"

"Yeah, I figured that out. At least I have the dough." He smiled sheepishly.

"Let's just put the dough in a bowl with some veggie oil and cover it so we can put it in the fridge. That'll slow the yeast." Deanna said. "I can make Sam finish them tomorrow."

"Okay, that may be the best idea." John pulled hands from the dough and looked at them. "At least I have short nails."

Deanna laughed at that and helped him put the dough away.

"I'm going to go get ready. Don't make too much of a mess, okay?" Deanna patted her dad's shoulder and walked away.

"Ha ha. Very funny, De." John smiled after his daughter. 

She closed her door and pulled out her dress to lay it on her bed. She snagged her makeup from her dresser and sat cross-legged on the bed next to the dress. She pulled out her base and set it off to the side before extracting her purple shadows. Along the side of the dress, she laid each shadow out to compare shade and hue. Eventually she settled on two shades that complimented the dress beautifully. 

She took a shower and shaved so as to be completely presentable. She allowed her hair to air dry as she applied her makeup expertly. Thank god for YouTube. One can learn many a good trick with the help of YouTube. 

In the background played a mix tape of Metallica, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, and many other classics. She had gotten the tapes in her collection from her dad and never wanted to retire them, even though Sam made fun of her for preserving the old. 

By the time she had finished the delicate black liner wing on her left eye, her hair was dried excellently. She ran a brush through the soft locks and allowed the natural wave to flow through it for the moment. Pulling up the top half of her hair up, she turned on her straightener. She secured the thick hair in a tie and proceeded to continue brushing the lower lair of hair so it'd be well brushed out to avoid to many tangles as she straightened it. 

Once hot, she took the straightener to the lower half, only pleased when none of the extreme curls remained at the back. Removing the tie allowed the secured hair to fall around her shoulders once again. Looking it over, she decided to leave that wavy, after all it wouldn't cause any problems when she would inevitably run her fingers through it in nervousness. She always did when she was with Castiel, and it was never a conscious effort. 

Finally, she slipped off her big shirt and bra to pull on the spaghetti strap dress, slipping her feet into the simple flats. One last look at her reflection and she actually felt beautiful. 

Deanna took a deep breath, grabbed the little picnic blanket, and walked out to see her dad with an armful of different explosive fireworks. 

"You look mighty beautiful." John said as a Black Cat Screech and Scream slipped from his fingertips. Deanna caught it with precision. 

"Thank you." She smiled. "How about we put those in the blanket and carry them that way so you don't drop too many more."

"Excellent idea." Deanna held out the blanket as he carefully lowered his arms into the pocket she had created. She pulled the corner closed, effectively creating an overly large hobo sack. 

"Sam's already over there. You ready?" John said as he took the sack from her. 

"Yeah, lets go."

***********************

"Okay, we have patties and wieners on the grill now." Mr. Bradbury said as he set the plates up under the overhang. "All the dressings are over here so you can put whatever you want on 'em." 

"Excellent." John said, practically salivating. He set down the sack and moved all the fireworks to sit against the house far from the grill. He handed Deanna her blanket back. "Thank you."

"No problem." Deanna took her blanket back and set it out before sitting on it herself. 

Charlie ran from the house, tugging a poor girl's hand as she went. 

"What happened to Gilda?" Deanna asked. 

"She had to move back." Charlie looked momentarily put off. "But this is Dorothy." She wiggled her eyebrows and bit her lip. A laugh ripped from Deanna's throat. 

"Nice to meet you Dorothy. I'm Deanna." She introduced, standing to shake hands with the new girl.

"And you." Dorothy inclined her head.

"Where's Cas?"

"He's in the house." Charlie gestured behind herself. "Mom was in desperate need of help getting the tomatoes cut up."

"Thanks, Charlie." Deanna said.

"Sure thing." 

Deanna went in the back door and located the kitchen. She snuck up on Castiel and wrapped her arms around his waist. 

"Hey, baby." Castiel said as he turned to kiss Deanna on the cheek. 

"Hey." She rested her head carefully on his back, not wanting to get makeup all over the pale blue fabric by rubbing her face all over it. She tightened her grip minutely and let go, gliding around to grab a knife and begin to cut up some more vegetables for the picnic. 

"Thank you, Deanna." Mrs. Bradbury said on a sigh. "I always get so flustered with these kinds of things."

"It's alright, Mrs. B. Always happy to help." Deanna smiled and continued to cut the vegetables. 

"Be careful not to-"

"Ow." Deanna hissed as she lifted her hand away from the cucumber she had been slicing.

"-slice your finger open." Mrs. B finished. "Oh, dear. Castiel, take her to the bathroom and clean that cut up." 

"C'mon, baby girl." Cas grabbed her elbow and directed her to the bathroom just off the kitchen. He sat her down on the toilet lid and held her hand over the sink. "This is gonna sting something awful, okay?" He said as he held a bottle of rubbing alcohol over the laceration in the webbing between thumb and forefinger. 

She nodded and watched as he poured the cold liquid over the thankfully-not-too-deep cut. She hissed at the sensation, but held her ground, not a tear or whimper to be found. The cold liquid seeped into the gash and pooled out to flow down the sink a pinkish color. She took deep breaths and concentrated on Cas's smooth movements. 

He grabbed some gauze and an ACE bandage to wrap up her hand and some triple antibiotic to coat it with. He held her hand tenderly and placed little kisses to her fingertips to distract her from the pain. He smiled gently as her when he had to smear the antibiotic into the wound and placed her fingertips against his lips when he had to press the gauze over the wound, then sliding her fingertip just a bit between his plush lips when he had to wrap it, never once allowing her eyes to stray from his. He noticed the way her breath hitched and her cheeks darkened when he did those small acts. 

Once her hand was sufficiently wrapped, she tugged it back and cradled it against her chest. Her eyes still wouldn't leave Cas's and he liked it that way. Slowly she stood and went to walk by Cas, but he gently grabbed her elbow and pulled her flush with his body. She looked into his eyes and her breath stopped as he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers in a simple brushing of the lips. 

Cas liked seeing her breathless and flustered in his arms. 

"We should," She said, voice slightly deeper and huskier before clearing it. "We should get back out there."

"Yeah, we should." He agreed. Neither of them moved. Deanna enjoyed being wrapped up in Castiel's arms and he liked having her captive close to his body. 

Deanna cleared her throat again after a moment and extracted herself from his gentle grasp. With a small, shy smile and a subtle blush on her cheeks, she turned and walked from the bathroom. Castiel followed her happily. 

"I think it would be best for me to stay out of the way, Mrs. B." Deanna said regrettably. "I'm sorry." 

"It's alright, honey. I've lassoed Charlie into helping me. Besides, we are almost done." She smiled at the the younger girl and waved her off to the backyard. Castiel couldn't help but admire the way Deann walked over and placed a small kiss to the older woman's cheek, the same lips he had the pleasure of kissing only moments before.

John looked over and saw his daughter holding her bandaged hand close to her belly and walked over, concern etched into his fatherly features.

"Are you okay, De?" He asked, taking her injured hand. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had an incident trying to cut a cucumber." She patted her dad's forearm with her unwrapped hand and squeezed his hand. "Honest, Castiel just went over board bandaging it up." She turned and gave him a small wink. 

"Is that so?" John looked over to Castiel, one eye brow crooked in questioning. 

"Yes, sir. I did not want any dirt getting inside of it to cause infection, especially since she'll be out here." Castiel said with a small gesture to the dirt and grass of the outside that could get into the wound and cause infection. 

"I see." John nodded and let go of her hand. "You gotta be more careful, baby girl." 

"I know. I'm a terrible klutz sometimes." She gave a small giggle. "We're going to go over there, okay? Don't give yourself a heart attack, alright, old man?"

"I know where you got that sass of yours, girl. I don't know whether to be proud of scared." He placed a hand on her head and patted once with a soft smile at the incognito mention of Mary, the love of his life. 

Deanna led the way over to her blanket that had warmed under the sun to sit down, legs tucked under one side while she leaned on her uninjured hand. Castiel came over and took a seat right next to her, allowing her to lean against him with her pretty head on his shoulder. 

"This is a really pretty dress, by the way." Castiel said as he smoothed a hand over the part on the blanket, not touching her.

"Thank you." She said and sighed. "I picked it out for today." 

"You did a good job." He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and ran his hand over her bare arm. They just sat there for a good few minutes until Mr. Bradbury called out and told everyone everything was done. Castiel went to stand up and offered his hand to Deanna. 

"No, you just go ahead. I'm not really hungry." She waved him away.

"Feel queasy from the cut?" He asked. 

"Yeah, little bit." She lied with a smile. Castiel only nodded and walked away to get himself a plate. 

She wasn't queasy from the cut. Wounds never bothered her like that really. However, it was the nerves of telling Charlie and eventually Castiel what she really needed to tell them that made her feel ill. Cas came back over and sat down cross-legged to put his plate in his lap. He took a big bite out of the burger in his hands and sagged in pleasure. He gave praise to Mr. Bradbury through a mouthful of burger, causing Mr. Bradbury to chuckle and shake his head. He just devoured his burger with gusto. Deanna noticed he didn't get any onion on the burger and was curious, asking him about it, only to receive a cheeky smile through food and a soft blush on his cheeks. Comprehension dawned. She too blushed and leaned her head against his shoulder lightly. 

"Deanna, honey, are you going to eat?" Mrs. B asked.

"Yeah, I'm going to. I'm just not feeling a hundred percent right now." Deanna answered. 

"Oh, dear, do you need medicine?" 

"No, no. I'll be fine, swear on it." Deanna smiled, but felt her stomach clench distractedly. 

Charlie, ever the queen, stood and announced she was going to get a drink. Several people requested her to bring them one too. Perfect for Deanna. 

"I'll help you get them." She offered as she stood up. Charlie nodded once and turned heel and marched into the house. In the kitchen, Deanna stopped Charlie from opening the fridge. "I have to tell you something." Deanna said nervously.

"You aren't breaking up with Castiel, are you?" Charlie immediately asked. 

"No, but he'll probably want to break up with me when he finds this out." Deanna looked out back nervously. "Can we go to your room to discuss this?"

"Yeah, c'mon." Charlie led the way and closed the door behind Deanna. "What's on your mind?"

"I have this huge secret that only me, Dad, and Sammy know. Keeping it from you and everyone else is eating me up inside." Deanna said, skirting around what she wanted to say.

"You can tell me anything you need to, De." Charlie assured. "You know that."

"Yeah, I know, but I'm so scared, Charlie. Everywhere I go, I am made fun of and told I'm a freak when people find out." Deanna took a seat on the bed and knotted her hands together, hissing in pain when she pinched the cut.

"You know damn well, I would never call you a freak, Deanna Winchester, and anyone who does is going to become aquainted with my fist." Charlie said, softly despite the words she used. 

"You're sweet, Charlie, but-"

"Tell me now. Stopping beating around the bush."

"I have a penis." Deanna stood up walked briskly to the door and had her hand on the knob to turn it when Charlie's hand landed on hers, tugging until she let go and sat next to her on the bed once again. 

"I am not going to call you a freak. I would never do that." Charlie reminded. "But this is a big deal you need to tell Castiel soon. I've never had a transgender friend before. Always wanted one though. That is what you are right?"

"Y-yeah, I was born with male genitalia, but I have felt like a girl all my life." Deanna took a deep breath. "And that's why I wanted to tell you first. I need advice on telling Castiel." She massaged her wrist in a way of releasing tension. "I don't know how to do it. It's been about a month and he still doesn't know." 

"And you want my help on telling him." Charlie stated. "Please?" Deanna looked up, eyes wide and vulnerable. 

"I will help you, but you have to tell him tonight." 

"I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda not good in terms of writing. I honestly don't know how to go about fixing it without totally screwing up the rest of the story. Feel free to drop any suggestions in the comments. 😊


	7. Chapter 7

The girls went back outside, everyone's drinks in hand. After passing them all out, they took their respective seats, Charlie giving Deanna a pointed look. 

Deanna acknowledged it with a small nod. She would wait until after the fireworks. She'd invite him in and lock them in the bedroom, so they wouldn't be interrupted. Deanna was going to tell John not to bother them because she was telling Castiel The Secret. 

Dusk fell, bringing excitement with it and further nerves with it. John and Mr. B hustled around happily finding all the fireworks they would set off and arranging them in chronological order. 

By the time they set the first one off, it was plenty dark as they lit up the beautiful sky. 

Castiel lay back to look up at the stars and fireworks when they went off, carefully tugging Deanna down to rest her head on his shoulder, hair draped casually over his arm. He snaked his right hand down, the one not held down by her, and grabbed her right hand to hold it on his chest. He kissed the top of her head and smiled down at her before hearing an awing sound and being blinded by an overly bright flash. 

Once his vision came back into focus, he saw Charlie looking at her phone, ridiculous smile on her face. 

"Never leave her, understand me, Novak?" Charlie warned menacingly. 

"Yes, master." He rolled his eyes at her, but felt Deanna tense. 

"No, I'm being very serious. You leave her over something stupid, I will kick your ass."

"Charlie!" Mrs. B scolded. 

"Oh, leave her be, Angela." Mr. B said as he walked by with the next round of fireworks. "She's just threatening Deanna's boyfriend. Nothing to worry about."

"I understand, Charlie." Castiel said, ignoring the conversation between the adults. 

"I sure hope so." She pointed and went back to her phone. 

"Hey, De, are you okay?" Castiel asked, tightening his grasp on her hand. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." She smiled up at him and kissed his hand, settling back to watch another burst of bright fireworks. She remained decidedly tense. 

Castiel simply pushed it to the back of his mind, not wanting to push her until she was ready to talk to him. 

*^*

John was given the privilege to set off the finale to all the fireworks, and was ecstatically bouncing on the heels of his feet until he could strike a match and light the final fuse. 

He squatted down and struck the match against the side of the box and held the flame to the lengthy fuse until it caught. He shook the flame out and darted back to watch as they flew up into the air and burst into many colors. He smiled happily and sighed when the largest and most extreme work went up and blew. He sank down into the lawn chair he had commandeered and relaxed back into it. He was satisfied with it and was full due to the constant munchings on burgers and hotdogs.

A tap on his shoulder got his attention. He looked up and saw Deanna standing there, twisting her fingers. 

"I'm gonna take Cas next door. I gotta tell him something." She whispered in his ear. Understanding dawned and he nodded.

"Me and Sam are gonna stay here and help clean up, okay?" He told her, letting her know she would be alone for a little while. 

"Okay. See you later." She turned and walked nervously to where Castiel had the blanket folded and tucked under his arm. She laced her fingers with his and walked to the gate and away from the house.

"Hey, where is she going?" Sam asked. "Why isn't she going to help?"

"She has something more important to do than help us clean." John told his youngest child. 

Sam's eyes widened as he realized what that meant and nodded. He was not going to deny her her opportunity to come clean, as it were. 

They both just hoped she didn't get hurt in the end. Charlie watched as Deanna took off with Castiel, fear and hope combined in the pit of her stomach to make her lightheaded. She could only imagine how Deanna felt.

*^*

Deanna opened the door to the house and allowed Castiel in before heading to her room. She sat down on the bed and felt her stomach leap up into her throat. Nerves were beginning to suffocate her.

"Hey, what's wrong, baby girl?" Castiel asked as he sat down and took her cut hand, making her realize she had been grasping it and twisting it like she wanted it off. "Is the cut bothering you?"

"No, no. It's just..." She paused and took a shaky breath. She could feel her hands beginning to quiver, the shake advancing up her arms and taking her breath. 

"Hey, calm down. Don't freak out on me." Castiel said, uncertain of what to do. He just grabbed her hands and held on. "C'mon, baby girl. Take a deep breath. It's okay. Look at me." He tilted her chin up and her eyes locked on his. "Breathe with me, okay? Can you do that?" 

She nodded and watched his chest rise and fall, trying to force herself to match him breath for breath. 

Slowly she calmed, still watching his chest for the movements afraid to look up and see judgement before she even told him what she had to. 

"Now, what's the matter?" He thumbed over her wrist in a calming motion that she slowly fixed her eyes on. Back and forth, back and forth. "You can tell me anything."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and closed her eyes only to open them again when a soft hand rested just above her crooked knee. She didn't look, only felt.

"I don't want you to run away from me, Cas." She finally spoke. "I don't want you to hate me and call me a freak. From most other people, I can handle that. But not from you. Not from you, Cas."

"Take your time, baby girl." Castiel urged. She had to tell him. She couldn't make this last any longer than it was supposed to. 

Tell him now, before you lose your nerve again.

"I have an anatomical flaw." She said, trying to ease into it. 

"Oh, are you talking about your penis?" 


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel held tight to her wrists so she wouldn't dart. She didn't try. Instead she gaped at him, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

"Close your lips, love." He said with a soft smile, using his left hand to close her loose jaw.

"But- How di- What- I don't-" She rambled as she tried to make sense of it all.

"Baby girl, I've known for a couple of weeks now." He said, placing a small kiss to her palm. 

"But how?"

"Do you remember that day we went out to the lake together, just the two of us, and I was laying back on one of the tables?" He asked. 

"Yeah?"

"And you remember how I tugged you up into my lap and just held you there?" Her eyes widened. "I felt it tucked between your legs." He kissed her wrist. "Your swimsuit was kind of revealing too." He kissed the crook of her arm. "And guess what?"

"What?" She breathed, watching as he kissed her shoulder. "I don't care that you have a penis." He kissed her ear and the corner of her mouth. 

"But-" 

"No, buts." Castiel sat back again, refusing to release his soft grip on her wrist. "I admit, I initially fell in love with your pretty face. I won't deny that. But honestly, that day we went to the pool and Lilith confronted you, I knew you were a character of heart, so I fell a little further. I thought you to be perfect, but then I saw your scars. Old scars probably from years of playing outside and even some pale ones across your hips that indicated self-loathing of some form. I realized then, you're not perfect, making me fall just a bit further. You have a sweet laugh; you laugh at my crap jokes even when Charlie gives me a dirty look for it." Castiel smiled at her blushing face. "I am not looking for a girl with big breasts, small breasts, medium breasts, thin waist, thick waist, average waist, or anything else like that. I'm looking for a girl who is sweet and kind and won't take anyone's bullshit. Even if you don't fit the societal term for a female, you still are. I'm just fortunate enough that you took a liking to me."

"You're crazy." Deanna said after a bit. "Why the hell didn't you tell me you knew?"

"I wanted you to tell me in your own time. I didn't want to scare you off with thinking I was a creep or something." 

Deanna didn't know what to say. He had known, but didn't tell her. He wasn't freaking out about her being anatomically incorrect. He was dealing with it like he didn't even care; like he dealt with finding out someone was a freak every day. 

"And to add to this whole complicated, yet simple thing, I happen to be bisexual." Castiel added with a soft fingertip to her nose.

Deanna only huffed. 

Castiel smiled and scooted over to sit beside her. He grabbed her around the waist and hugged her tight.

"Can I ask you a question?" Castiel said. "Who's your prettiest friend?" He batted his eyelashes at her and nuzzled her shoulder. 

"You are an insufferable dork, are you aware?" Deanna couldn't help but smile and nudge him back. 

"Quite aware, darling." He stopped and laid back with his head in her lap. "But serious talk, can I ask you a totally serious question? You can't get mad at me for asking it."

"I guess." She answered slowly as she ran a hand through his hair. 

"Are your breasts real?" He looked up bashfully, a blush clear on his features. 

"Yes. I've been taking hormones for about four months now."

"What all do the hormones do to you?"

"Well, they prevent body hair from growing in places like my torso to help maximize the femininity. They allow me to develop breasts and fuller hips like a woman would have, though I don't think mine have done so well for me." She patted her hips and rested her hands back on Castiel's chest. 

"Really? 'Cause it looks to me like you have very sexy hips. I think they are plenty full."

"What do you know?" She said softly with a smile as she patted his chest. "Any way, it's different for each person, the regime their on; each one basically designed specifically for an individual. They lower my testosterone levels, too. I'm hoping to get the full change, if you will, in the next couple of years or so."

"Have you always known you were a girl?" 

"Yeah, pretty much." She shrugged. "I always felt like I was a girl, even though I didn't look like any of the other girls."

"How did your dad initially take it?" Castiel closed his eyes and folded his hands over Deanna's.

"He was concerned at first." She laughed remembering when they had gone shopping. "Dad took me and Sammy out to get some clothes, Sam being only maybe two at the time. He let me drag him around the store until I found the clothes I wanted to wear. He just packed Sam on his hip, not wanting to lose the energetic boy. 

"Anyway, I found my first dress and loved it. I begged him and begged him to let me get the pale blue dress. He didn't understand, but let me get it anyway as well as little girl tops and skirts. I despised wearing shorts or pants." She laughed. "Dad just went with it. After all how could his deny his son what he wanted? Since then he has bought me dresses and skirts and cute tops." 

She began to thread fingers through Castiel's infinitely soft hair again as she thought back to the happier and softer days. 

Dean ran into the house, her little nondescript backpack hanging haphazardly on her shoulder. 

"Daddy!" He called as she saw him on the couch.

"How is my baby boy doing?" John said smiling down at his son, not knowing his life was about to change. 

"I'm not a boy, Daddy." Dean said with a confused look on his face. "I'm a girl."

"No, you're not, baby." John said holding his tiny, chubby boy on his lap. "Who told you you're a girl?"

"I did." Dean looked at his daddy. "I am a girl. Ms. Plum told me that sometimes people different." He explained talking to fast. "She said that some- sometimes little girls are born as boys and little boys are born as- as girls. I just know I'm a girl, Daddy."

John, of course, thought he needed to talk to this Ms. Plum and meet her formally, since Mary had been the one to enroll little Dean into school. 

So he went up to the school after calling to find out Ms. Plum's conference hour and had a talk with the teacher. He had Dean sitting by his side to keep him calm while he called her out on her brain washing. 

She had explained that Dean had talked about how he wanted to wear pretty dresses instead of the ugly pants he always had to wear. She said he didn't like being called he and that he asked her what was wrong with him. He knew he was a little boy, but he didn't feel like it.

John just nodded and went about his way. If Dean was going to want to be called a girl, then he would do it until he grew out of the phase. He would never love his child any less. 

Except, Dean never grew out of the phase. He just grew into a different name. 

"Hey, Deanna?" She heard through her reverie. 

"Yeah, what's up?" She glanced up and saw Sam in the doorway.

"I'm guessing all's well?" He asked in a whisper. 

Deanna looked down to see Castiel had fallen asleep with her hand in his hair. 

"Yeah. I'll tell you about it tomorrow."

Sam nodded and closed the door back, leaving Deanna alone with the sleeping Castiel. She smiled down at him softly, so glad he had accepted her for all her flaws. 

She sat there for a few minutes just thinking and looking at his face. She still had a hard time processing that Castiel actually is okay with her being... whatever she is. It gave her a bit more confidence to be herself with him. 

A thought surfaced as she looked at his spiky stubble and curved lips; what if he wanted to... you know? 

How would she feel about that? How would he feel about it? 

Would he pay attention to her... more undesirable pieces or ignore them completely? 

She didn't know which she would prefer. 

The thought made her uncomfortable. She tried to think about something else. Anything else.

She realized her leg was falling asleep where it was crooked beneath Castiel's head.

Let it fall asleep so she didn't risk waking him or risk waking him up to be comfortable?

She decided to slowly begin stretching her leg out along the bed, hands holding his cheeks to stabilize and minimize the movements, but her effort was wasted. He groaned and shifted, eyes cracking open to gaze up at her. He squinted his eyes in the light and looked at her confused.

"Did you come home with me?" He asked, voice low and sleepy.

"No, you're in my room." She answered just as quietly. 

He sat up and looked around. He huffed and leaned against the wall next to her. 

"How long was I out?" He asked, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Ten minutes, maybe?"

"Huh." 

"Do you want to stay here for tonight?" She asked, blushing. "You know, so you don't have to go anywhere?"

"Nah. I'll go to Charlie's in a little bit. 'Posed to be staying over there tonight." He shifted ,some and laid down, head on her pillow next to her hip. "After I wake up properly."

Must have been a good little nap, or he was overly tired, Deanna mused watching as his eyes closed again and he fell asleep yet again. 

Thankful her bed didn't creak or anything of the sort, she got up slowly, moving at a glacial pace until she was standing and toeing her flat off to pad quietly to the living room. There she found John lounging in his recliner watching god-only-knows on TV. 

"Hey, Dad." She said as she sank down in the corner of the couch close to his chair.

"Hey, baby girl. How'd it go?" He took a sip of the water next to him. "I'm assuming well, since you aren't crying or whatever it is girl's do when their boyfriend freaks out."

"Yeah, we're good." She laughed. "He already knew from a couple of weeks ago."

John crooked an eyebrow. "And how did he know?"

"Long story." She waved him off. "Regardless, he's dead asleep on my bed."

"You didn't do anything, did you?" He asked, going into protective Do I Need to Kill Someone mode.

"No, he was just laying down with his head in my lap and fell asleep as we talked." Deanna blushed. "You know better than that."

"But still. I was his age once and if I could get my hands on someone as pretty as you, I would." He stopped for a moment. "That sounded a helluva lot less creepy in my head."

"It's okay, I know what you mean." Deanna smiled. 

"That's how I ended up with your mom." John smiled sadly as he reflected. "She was the prettiest girl for miles. All the boys wanted her. I was just fortunate enough to have her."

"I know, Dad." Deanna said affectionately. "She always said you knew how to woo her."

He huffed a small sound. "I tried my darndest. For the longest time, she just ignored me."

"That's okay. You were persistent." Deanna patted the old man's hand. "I'm going to sleep in here tonight, so I don't have to wake up Cas."

"I'll go wake him up." John heaved himself up.

"No!" Deanna was quick to say. "It's okay, I'll be fine in here."

"Nope. Boy can sleep on the couch. He ain't gonna take my baby girl's bed." John progressed to her bedroom, thinking about how to wake Goldilocks up. 

Deanna was embarrassed for him. 

John quietly opened her door and peered in where Castiel was out on the bed, arm thrown across the bed, like he was holding someone there. John turned to Deanna who had gotten up and winked at her, malicious smile curving his lips. 

He crept to the bedside and laid down next to Castiel, lifting his arm up so he scoot beneath it. He rolled to his side and reached out to stroke Castiel's cheek.

"De..." Castiel sighed. His eyebrows scrunched up in confusion as he felt the overly large hand on his cheek in his sleep. He opened his eyes slowly and came face to face with John.

His eyes bolted wide as he quickly scuttled backward until his back hit the wall. 

John was wheezing with laughter and Deanna had her mouth covered in an attempt to quell her roaring laughter. 

Sam ran in, hair mussed slightly, panic clear in his features until he saw Castiel pressed against the wall, hand over his chest where his heart was no doubt trying to calm down, and John shaking with laughter on the bed. 

Sam sagged against the wall and laughed lightly. 

"M-M-Mr. Winchester." Castiel stuttered out.

"God, boy!" John barely managed as he sat up on the edge of the bed. "I needed a laugh like that." He left the room chuckling, seeing over and over again the look of pure terror on the boy's face. 

"I am so sorry, Castiel." Deanna said, hiding her smile. "I didn't know he'd do that."

"I-it's okay, D-Deanna." He stuttered. He sagged against the wall and tried to catch his breath. 

"You know, you gave me a fright too." Sam interjected. "I hear this crash against the wall and sudden cackles like some maniac was enjoying himself."

"I am not going to apologize to you, you git." Deanna said over her shoulder. "And there was a maniac enjoying himself. We call him Dad. You want an apology, go talk to him." 

"I don't think I'll ever fall asleep in this house again." Castiel declared. 

"That would probably be a good idea." Sam said. "I'm going to bed. Try not to be too loud tonight, okay?"

"Go to bed, bitch." 

"Jerk." Sam smiled and ambled off. 

"I'm gonna go so I don't fall asleep and wake up cuddling with your dad again." Castiel said as he got out of the bed and stood to stretch. "That is not an experience I desire to replicate."

"I don't blame you." Deanna chuckled. She was never going to forget that.

"Though, I am glad he didn't come at me with a gun or something scarier." He rubbed his face and smiled at Deanna. "Walk me to the door?"

"Of course." She smiled back and took his hand. 

They went out the door and stopped there, door closed behind them. 

"Thanks for not freaking out on me." She whispered into the dark.

"Never." 

"Still." She looked at him finally. 

He reached over and carefully grasped her chin, looking into her impossibly green eyes. He leaned down and kissed her lips, completely G, considering her father was probably watching him. 

He pulled back and rested his forehead on hers, looking into her eyes. He never wanted to look away. 

"I have to go." He whispered, not wanting to break the peace of the moment. 

"I know." He stepped away and walked the short distance to Charlie's as she went back in the house.

When he entered the house, he did so quietly only to be pounced and dragged forcefully to Charlie's bedroom.

"Tell me everything." She demanded as she sat cross-legged, practically bouncing in joy and excitement. 

"Wait, what do you know?" 

"She came to me and told me when we were collecting drinks. I'm guessing you didn't freak out on her and be a total dick about it and I want to know everything that happened. Comprende, compadre?" She spoke quickly. 

"Ah." He nodded and scratched at the back of his neck. "I think she had a panic attack, which I calmed her down from. Then she tried to tell me and I beat her to the punch." He turned away from Charlie and started to pace.

"So, you're telling me you already knew, and you didn't tell me?" Charlie accused.

"Well, it wasn't my secret to tell was it, Charlie Bradbury?" He turned and glared at her. "How do you think she would have felt if I had been gossipping about her behind her back? Do you really think she would trust me after that?"

"I'm sorry, Castiel, I didn't think about that." She looked down, bashful and ashamed at herself.

"Oh, Char, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap, it's just... I don't even know." He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "My brain is still scrambled."

"What happened?" Curious Charlie back.

"I fell asleep, quite foolishly." He gave a half-laugh. "Big mistake by the way. I guess Deanna had gotten up to go talk to her dad or something while I was out, but the next thing I know, I'm cuddling with her old man. Damn near gave me a heart attack."

Charlie started laughing at his expense, quite loudly too. Castiel slapped a hand over her mouth, muffling her gails of joy so as to leave her parents sleeping.

She eventually settled down enough for him to remove his hand, leaving her gasping for breath and wipe moisture from her eyes. 

"He- he cuddled you!" She panted. 

"Yes. Scariest moment of my entire life. Shouldn't've told you a damn thing, woman." He grouched. "I need something to drink. Try not to wake the neighborhood with your wild cackling, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She buried her face in her pillow and shook with the remains of her laughter. 

He went to the kitchen and found Mrs. B in a bathrobe drinking water or vodka. Could be either. 

"So, did she finally tell you?" She asked wearily. 

"How did you know, too?" Castiel asked exasperated. 

"Some things parents just know, sweety." She turned her glass upside down in the sink and shuffled away. "Gag your friend in there or take her out somewhere. She keeps waking us up and we're gonna give her to you permanently."

"Yes, ma'am." She waved lazily as she disappeared. 

He got himself a glass and filled it up with water, drinking it down slowly.


	9. Chapter 9

Deanna awoke feeling good about herself, but still grouchy as anything. 'Cause nobody sane is ever in a good mood when they woke up for the day. They didn't live in a NyQuil commercial. 

She stood up and shuffled slowly to the kitchen with her eyes closed where the coffee was calling her name like a siren to a sailor. She grabbed her favorite cup and filled it to the brim to sip on it contentedly. 

"She didn't see us." She heard her dad's voice from the living room. 

"I don't think so. She had her eyes closed." A low voice that sounded like Castiel said. 

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion as she continued to shuffle, this time into the living room. 

"Morning, sunshine and buttercups." Her dad said from his recliner. She just snarled in response. 

"Morning, Deanna." Castiel said from the furthest corner on the couch. She glared at him as well and sank very carefully into the couch as well, eyes on her coffee so it didn't spill over. She took another sip. 

"Why? Early. Bed." She said, not willing herself to be awake enough to speak coherently. 

John, having lived with her for, well, all seventeen years of her life, knew what she was saying even as Castiel squinted in confusion. 

"Castiel wanted to take you to a nice lunch." He said, gesturing to the boy at the other end. "It isn't early, girl. It's eleven thirty-eight in the morning and you don't need any more bedhead." He glanced up to the top of her head as her eyes widened in horror. They tried to roll up to look at the mess on her head, but it was ineffectual. 

She took a healthy drink of her coffee and set in on the coffee table before proceeding at a quick, if not still sleep induced, hustle to her room for a brush. 

When she looked into the mirror she was horrified with what she saw. Her hair was a total mess, having fallen out of the ponytail she had pulled it into. She growled as she grabbed the brush and started yanking it through the ends of her hair, working her way up until it was all brushed through and silky. She didn't even look down at her shirt, knowing it was an embarrassement as well as her shorts. The shirt had been John's shirt from the days he helped out Bobby at the garage at Sioux Falls, the short time they had been there. It was absolutely grungy and deliciously comfortable to sleep in. The shorts she had been wearing weren't so bad, all things considered, she just really wished Castiel hadn't seen them. 

Moving more quickly than morning usually asked for, she changed and slipped on a baby blue shirt and a black knee length skirt, pulling leggings on beneath that so she didn't have to shave her legs (which was something else she was apalled by).

She came out of her room and found them sitting exactly where they had been. Their conversation died as her door clicked shut. 

"Where's Sam?" Deanna asked. 

"He went to the mall. I think he's stalking some poor girl, to be completely honest." John just shrugged.

"Of course." Deanna sat down once again. "I heard him talking on the phone the other day to someone named Jess."

"That's probably who he's stalking." 

"Probably." She smiled. "Anyway, now that I am mostly coherent, why am I awake before noon in the summer?"

"Castiel wants to take you to lunch."

"Oh." She picked up her cup again and took another drink, grimacing at the room temperature liquid. 

"Yeah, I got paid yesterday and wanted to kind of suprise you today." He admitted. 

"I don't like using your money." She looked at him.

"Just like her mother, I swear." John said as he got up, slippered feet padding away. "I'll see you two in a bit."

"C'mon, De. For once don't argue with me on this." Castiel begged as he moved closer to her.

"Not arguing. Stating fact." She absently took another drink of coffee and made a face when it was almost frigid. 

"Next time I am not telling you a thing. We're just gonna go and you won't know till we get there." Castiel threatened. "Humor me this once, Deanna, please?" He asked, voice turning sweet and innocent as his eyes fell open and the plush bottom lip protruded slightly.

"I hate your face." She grouched. "I will humor you this once." She conceeded, knowing it would probably be more times. 

"Great, lets go put some shoes on and get out the door." Castiel urged her.

"Uh, no." She stood up as he tugged her hand. "I am not going anywhere without any makeup on. Are you crazy?" 

"No, I'm not." Castiel crossed his arms. "I think you're gorgeous without makeup. Please don't wear it today. Please?" 

"I hate you." She groaned. "Just let me get my shoes." 

"Okay. I'll wait right here." 

Deanna walked back to her bedroom and locked the door behind herself. 

"I will wear my makeup." She said to herself in the mirror as she began to apply it. 

"Dammit, De." Castiel's voice could be heard through the door. 

"What?" She replied as innocently as possible.

"You're putting it on, aren't you?" 

"Do you not trust me?"

"Not when your door is locked." 

"Good point." She smiled at her reflection. "I'll be out in a moment."

"I'm sure." She could almost feel him rolling his eyes. 

Just to punish him, she pulled her favorite heels from the closet. He'd never seen them, much less seen them on her. It felt like she was aquiring power when she slipped the four inch heels onto her foot. Closed toe black heels with little studs all down the back if the heel itself. Her makeup was done with dark blues and blacks with a clear gloss on her lips. She felt absolutely dashing.

She unlocked her door and opened it to find a temporarily exasperated Castiel standing there, face morphing slowly into awe. 

"Wow." He looked down at her feet and saw the heels. "Now you're a lot taller than me. Those are like five inches."

"Wrong. Four so I'll be five inches taller and you'll like it." She grabbed his hand and tugged him to the door. "Bye, Dad!" She called.

"Bye." He called back from god only knows where. 

"We're taking my car." She said sassily, releasing Castiel's hand and walking down the drive. 

He couldn't help but to watch as the heels made more sway in her hips and tightness in her legs. The skirt swished sexily around her thighs and the shirt molded to her body, tight enough he could see her bra straps around the back. Her hands swung by her sides and her hair was ruffled by the very slight breeze. 

Okay, so maybe he was a little love struck. 

He hustled over to the gorgeous Impala and sank ever so delicately into the leather seat. When she turned the key, the engine rumbled to life and Castiel reveled in the power.

Deanna pulled out of the driveway and asked where she would be driving to. 

"My brother's place, The Pit." Castiel responded. She nodded and started off in the direction of the popular little resturant. 

He loved the way she looked when she drove, so in control of the powerful beast beneath her. She had the right hand on the wheel and the other one was on her cheek, elbow rested on the window. She looked over. 

"What?" She said. 

"Nothing." He smiled and looked back forward. 

She eventually pulled into the lot of The Pit and got a pretty decent spot, considering the time. The walked in the door and were met by Crowley, who had a scowl on his face, per usual. He looked at them and rolled his eyes, directing them to the back to wait for their server. 

"Hello, Clarence." Meg said as she walked up. "Hey, De."

"Hey, how ya doing?" Deanna asked. 

"Oh, you know. It's hell." She grunted. "What would you two like?" She pulled out her notepad and her pen. 

"I want a cheeseburger and a coke." Castiel said.

"Ditto." Deanna said. 

"'Kay, It'll be out in a bit." Meg walked away and Deanna leaned against the wall. 

"Did you sleep well?" Castiel asked.

"Yeah." She sighed. "It was nice. How did you sleep?" 

"Well enough." He shrugged. "Couldn't sleep for a few hours. Charlie is very insistent on knowing word for word, feeling for feeling, and blink for fuckin' blink." 

"You should really watch your language there, Cassie." Lucifer said from behind Castiel. 

"Nah. Imma rebel." Castiel smiled up at his brother and stood to hug him. 

"Who's your pretty lady?" Lucifer pulled up an empty seat and rested his arms on the back. 

"Deanna Winchester." She extended her hand and shook his. 

"Lucifer." 

"Does your whole family have strange names?" She asked leaning over against the wall again. 

"Well, after angels." Castiel said. "We have Gabriel, Samadriel."

"Raphael, Uriel." Lucifer added. 

"Michael, Zachariah." 

"Uh, who else?" Lucifer asked. 

"Balthazar."

"Ezekiel and Gadreel, who're twins." 

"Okay, I think that's enough." Deanna laughed. "You have a big family." 

"Pretty much." Castiel laughed. 

"I don't know if I want to meet all of them." She said.

"Nah, don't worry. We don't bite." Lucifer laughed. "You seem cool." 

"Thanks." 

Meg came by and dropped off their cokes. 

"I'm gonna drop into the kitchen." Lucifer put back the chair and leaned over whispering. "They don't know I'm here. Meg's not told them"

"See you later." Castiel waved him off. 

"He seems nice." 

"Yeah, he's cool." Castiel shrugged and took a drink. "He was thrown out of the house at a young age for something. I don't remember. I didn't get to know him until much later."

"Are all of those people you named your siblings or what?" 

"Yeah, pretty much. Four different moms." 

"Wow." 

"Yeah, they got with my dad before they realized he was an alcoholic writer." Castiel rubbed his neck. "He's not abusive or whatever. He just... I don't know. He left a long time ago. I live with Michael, Raphael, Uriel, and you get the picture. Gabriel left a long time ago too." 

"Oh, okay." She took a drink of her own drink. "So, do you think you are ever going to leave here?"

"Oh, hell yes. I am not going to stay here forever." He laughed. "I am going to leave and never look back." 

"What are you going to do?" 

"Take off with you, marry you, and try at being a graphic designer." Castiel said immediately, not even thinking about his answer. 

"Oh." She looked down blushing. "Uh, you haven't known me for very long. Only like a month." 

"Still." He shrugged. "That's my plan as of right now." 

"Here you go, guys." Meg said as she put the burgers in front of them. "Need a refill?" 

"No, thanks." Deanna smiled and picked up her burger.

"Okay, enjoy." She sounded bored. 

Castiel picked up his burger and took a big bite immediately. She just shook her head and did the same. Two of a pair. 

No speaking was necessary as they devoured the burgers like it was their last meal. 

"Jesus, you two are gonna choke." Lucifer brought his seat back over and leaned forward on the table. 

"So?" Castiel said through his mouthful. "Ima die happeh." 

"Not as happy as you would be getting married." He nodded toward Deanna not so subtley. "Having kids and raising kids."

Deanna choked on her food and started patting her chest. She coughed and blushed. 

"You okay?"

"Yeah." She croaked. 

"I don't think we'll be in for kids." Castiel said, hiding the sadness in his voice. Deanna couldn't have kids.

"Why not? They could be loads of fun." Lucifer eyed Deanna as she took a drink, making sure she wouldn't die because of some food or drink. 

"It's just not possible, okay?" 

"I can't have kids." Deanna said, voice quiet. "Not fertile." 

"Oh." Lucifer sat back, embarasssed. "I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"Besides, we are only seventeen. We aren't planning on any thing like that, especially right now." Castiel said. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry for saying something." 

"It's cool." Deanna said, taking a smaller bite. "I don't think about it." 


	10. Chapter 10

Deanna and Castiel paid for their food and walked out to the car where they got in. 

"I'm sorry about Lucifer." Castiel started. 

"It's okay." She smiled a small, self-depreciating smile. "Look, you're going to want kids some day and I can't give them to you. I don't want to be the reason you can't have the life everyone else gets."

"You don't need to worry about that, De." Castiel assured. "We can adopt kids. Nothing can stop us from doing that."

"Still." She shrugged, refusing to look up. 

"Still nothing, hon." Castiel grabbed her hand and kissed it. "I may have only known you for a month, but I'm smart enough to know that no one else captured my attention like you did."

"I don't know." She left her hand in his and looked up to face him. "Who's to say we won't break up in the next month? How can I be sure that you mean everything you say?"

"You can't be sure of anything, and I understand that. But at least tell me you have enough trust in me to know that I am not going to just walk away from you like some jack ass. I don't want to be with you for breeding, Deanna. I want to be with you because I like you. I like who you are."

"I guess." She shrugged again and pushed the keys into the ignition. "We should go."

"Okay. Yeah." He sat back in the seat and sighed. Lucifer just had to fuck it up, didn't he? Granted it wasn't intentional, but still. It made Deanna doubt her worthiness to be with Castiel, and that hurt. She didn't think she was good enough because she couldn't bear children? He wasn't lying when he said he wasn't with her for breeding purposes. 

A while later, Castiel noticed Deanna had missed the turn to he house. 

"Where are we going?" 

"I found this place and I want to show it to you." She responded simply. She didn't look over, only drove onward. 

When she came to a stop, she had driven off the road and onto a almost invisible path. She pulled the key from the ignition and went around the back if the car. Castiel stood at the front of the Impala and looked down the overgrown path. 

Deanna came back around the front and slipped a Bowie knife into a sheath in her hip.

"Are you going yo murder me?" Castiel asked, only part way kidding.

"What?" She looked over confused. "Oh, no. Just in case we need it. Dad always taught me how to defend myself should I need to."

"So you think I'm going to kill you?"

"No. Just in case there's an animal that threatens us. It probably won't happen, but best be safe than sorry." She shrugged and grabbed Castiel's hand. She started off and Castiel looked down at her feet, concerned for her heeled feet. Turns out she had removed them and was walking barefoot. 

"You're gonna cut your foot." 

"No I won't. Tough as leather." She smiled and stepped over a branch. 

She took them further until they met a small clearing. She grabbed a trash bag from a log and pulled a blanket from inside to lay out. She sat down on it and Castiel followed suit. 

"This is kind of nice." He said.

"It is quite. No one bothers me here. I don't know how it stays so short though." She sat criss cross and placed the knife in front of her. They sat in comfortable silence for some time, just holding hands and listening to the trees rustle and the nature in general. 

"You know, this place is more peaceful than it has a right to be." Castiel finally said. 

"Yeah. It is very nice. I love spending my free time here." Deanna laid back with her hands behind her head making her shirt rode up marginally.

Castiel leaned over on one elbow and ran his index finger over the soft exposed skin of her abdomen. She swatted his hand and smiled. He just did it again. 

"Don't. Don't do that." She laughed.

"Why? Are you ticklish?" He sat up further and positioned his hands over her.

"Very." She smirked and sat up as well. He lunged at her just as she rolled to the side to avoid him. Grass stuck in her hair and in her back, but she was smiling jovially as though tempting him to launch again, already knowing she could beat him at this game. 

"Well, come on." She taunted, head tilted innocently. 

He lunged again and missed, sending himself tumbling away yet again. 

Shame happiness can't last forever, wouldn't you say?


	11. Chapter 11

Time had passed much too quickly for everyone involved. Charlie, Meg, Castiel, and Deanna were having a killer time hanging out, basically being the mostly carefree teens for the last time.

But, all good things come to an end and school was starting. 

Deanna had gone with Castiel, Charlie, and Meg the Wednesday before to collect her schedule and explore the campus so she would at least have a general idea if where she had to go. 

She learned she only managed to share one class with Castiel, thankfully it was the last of the day. She shared one with Meg before lunch and first period with Charlie and Meg both. The rest of the time she was SOL, unless she made friends quick with other people. Which, in all likelihood, wouldn't happen.

Regardless, Deanna drove herself, Sammy, and Charlie to school and faced it together. Sam was just starting his freshmen year so its not like his school had a different location, thank the saints.

"C'mon, De." Charlie said ad she extracted herself from the back seat. "Let's find Castiel."

"'Kay, I'm coming." Deanna grabbed her plain black bag and slung it onto her shoulder. "Be good, you hear, Sammy?"

"Yes, De, I'll be good." Sam grumbled as he took off to find his girlfriend, Jess. 

Deanna just shook her head and followed Charlie to where Cas and Meg would inevitably be. They said their own respective hellos to one another, Cas being all fortunate as to get a kiss from his girlfriend. 

"Well, looky, here!" A female's voice sounded from behind Deanna. "If it isn't the Freak Squad."

"Lilith." Charlie seethed.

"Now, now, is that anyway to talk to me? Especially in front of Alistair?" She tsked And smiled broadly.

"Sure it is." Meg piped up. "Why not? Obviously we don't really respect you or even care that you exist."

"How very rude." Lilith placed a hand on her chest delicately. "That hurt."

"C'mon, Lilith. We can worry about them later." Alistair grabbed her round the shoulder and walked her away.

"I hate her."

****ಠ_ಠ****

By the time lunch rolled around, Deanna was ready to go home and never leave again. 

"Yeah, me too." Castiel said as Deanna slumped down in the seat next to him. 

"Is it time to go home yet?" She grumbled.

"No, but two more classes and we can. Thank god for being a senior." He sighed. 

"I suppose." She rested her chin in her hand and closed her eyes. 

Castiel leaned over and wrapped an arm around her, hugging her. She welcomed it with a smile. They rocked side to side for a moment, just being. 

"Heyo, love birds!" Charlie said, plopping in the least graceful way possible. 

"What's up, Char?" Castiel said.

"Nothing. Just having a great day." 

"There is no way you can be enjoying yourself." Deanna complained. 

"Of course I can." She wiggled her brows just as a pretty girl with brown skin and gentle eyes walked up behind her. "Ah, Gilda, these ate my friends Deanna and Castiel."

"Hi." She said meekly with a little wave. 

"She's an new exchange student from Parts Unknown." Charlie laughed and pulled the timid girl down to sit. "How has the day been to you two?"

"Terrible. I hate introducing myself to people. And all the bitching we get for little things!" Deanna grumbled. 

"Not much better Here either. Mrs. Drement still hates my guts." Castiel added.

"What did you ever do to that poor woman?" Charlie asked him. 

"I don't know, Char. She's just had it out for me since I started high school." He sighed dramatically. 

.-*-.

"Finally free!" Castiel exclaimed as he excitedly opened the doors and stepped out. Deanna chuckled behind him, Charlie and Gilda close behind her.

Deanna rolled her eyes and smiled. It was only one day. 

Regardless, he was happy, as were the others, to be out for the day. 

"C'mon, De." Castiel grabbed her hand. "Why don't Charlie and Gilda take my car, while you and I go somewhere until Sam gets out of class?"

"Sure, what do you two say?" 

"I most certainly so not mind." Charlie happily said as she took Castiel's keys away from him. She grabbed Gilda's hand and pulled her along to Castiel's "pimp" car. 

Castiel and Deanna walked hand in hand to the Impala and got in. 

"Where am I going?" She asked, grabbing his hand and squeezing.

"This would be easier if I drove." He smiled at her, trying to coax her. 

"Uh, no." She laughed. "My baby, I drive. Sorry." 

"That's fine, I guess." He sighed. "Okay, drive to old man Ronald's and take a right." 

"Ookay." She said unsure as she started up the beautiful beast. She drove along, following Castiel's instructions.

She didn't know where she was driving, but she trusted Castiel. 

Eventually they made it to the destination; many wrong turns, curses, and sighs later. 

"Where the hell are we?" De asked as she looked around. Tall trees stood around a building and green grass fluttered gently in a nearly nonexistent breeze. 

"This is my father's house." Castiel said quietly. "He up and left a few years back. We don't know what happened to him or where he at have gone. Raphael is starting to show interest in it. I may have to fight to keep him off of it."

"It's beautiful." She said as she walked toward the little house. 

"I thought you'd like it." He smiled. 

★ ★ ☆ ★ ★ 

"Thank god, it's the weekend!" Charlie complained as she flopped in Deanna's bed. 

"Right?" Deanna smiled and sat against the wall.

"So, do you and Cassie have plans for this weekend?"

"No, we're just gonna hang out here. We'll just go from there if we wanna do anything." 

"Alone time, eh?" Charlie wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

"Why do you have to be so pervy, Char?" De asked, rolling her eyes. 

"I don't know." She smiled a and rolled over. "Must be a gift."

"I'm sure." Deanna stood up and grabbed a hairtie off her desk, pulling her hair up in a sloppy ponytail. 

Deanna heard the front door open and close. 

"Hey, De, where you at?" Sam called. 

"In here!" She yelled back. Sam opened her door and peaked in. "What do ya want, short stack?" 

"Don't be a jerk, De. Dad wants to talk to you." Sam told her and exited the room. 

Deanna looked over at Charlie with raised brows. "I guess I'll see you in a bit." She left the room, Charlie still sprawled on the bed. 

Deanna knocked on the office door and entered when beckoned. 

"You need to sit, baby girl." John told her. She sat nervously and looked at him. "I need to go to California."

"So, we're moving again." She stated.

"Actually we're not. I am." He rubbed his forehead. "You'll stay here, if you like."

"What?" 

"While I go to California for a few months, you and Sam can stay here. If that is what you want. You're almost eighteen, De. I think I can trust you to take care if Sammy and yourself." 

"Dad..." She started.

"You've got Baby, you have that part time job at the mechanic, and you are very responsible. I think I can trust you to live by yourself plus Sam."

"Are you sure, Dad?" 

"Yeah, I am." John smiled sadly and scratched his day old stubble. "You have way more things tying you here than we had anywhere else. You have Cas, Charlie, Meg even."

"When are you leaving?" She asked.

"In the morning. All my things are packed up and ready to move." 

"So soon?" 

"Yeah. I know." John sighed and ran a hand through his greying hair. "I'm going to go get groceries with Sam in an hour or two so you two can be stocked up for a while while you save up money and such. If you ever need any help, just call me anytime and I'll be able to, okay?" 

"Okay." Deanna nodded, still unsure and trying to process everything. 

"Well, go on and tell Charlie. I know she's here somewhere. She always is." John laughed as he shooed he away.

She mechanically got up and walked to her bedroom, sitting carefully on the desk chair. 

"What's wrong?" Charlie asked, immediately sitting up and leaning toward Deanna.

"My dad has to go to California." Deanna said quietly.

"You're moving again? But you just got here!"

"I know. Dad's letting me stay here while he goes." 

"That's good, right?" Charlie said, confused. 

"Yeah, yeah, it's good." Deanna looked over at Charlie. "What if I mess something up, Char?"

"You won't, sweety. I promise you'll do great. Is Sam staying?" 

"Yeah, if he wants. I mean, he has Jess and all that." 

"Are you gonna tell Cas?"

"Tell Cas what?" 

"Did Dad not tell you?" Deanna said as Sam entered the bedroom. 

"Tell me what?"

"He has to go to California and he's gonna let us stay here." 

"What?"

"He's going to let us stay here. I'm nearly eighteen and I have a part time job working at that auto body shop." Deanna explained.

"We'll stay here?"

"Yeah. If you want."

"Hells yeah!" Sam smiled and laughed excitedly. He darted off to find John and ask him if it was true. 

"What's Sam so excited about?" Cas asked as he came in. 

"Dad is letting Sam and I stay here while he goes to California."

"Really?"

"Yeah." Deanna smiled and stood up. "I get to stay here."

"That's amazing, baby!" Cas exclaimed, walking over to engulf Deanna into a hug. 

"I know. He leaves tomorrow morning." She hugged back. "I'm gonna miss him." 

"I know. But, hey, we can make the best if this, right?" 

"Yeah, we can." Deanna smiled and let go of Cas to see Charlie looking off pretending to me them have a private moment.


	12. Chapter 12

Deanna wouldn't say a word. She didn't even cry either. 

Castiel carefully carried her out to his car and tossed Charlie his keys so he could sit in the back with her. Sam hopped in the back as well and stroked her outer leg to give her some sort of comfort. Meg stayed behind to clean the blood off the leather seat of the Impala. She didn't want to see the wreck of the once lively girl.

At the hospital, Castiel was in the phone with John as he waited for news on Deanna. John told him he would be out as soon as be could catch a plane. 

Castiel hung his head and pulled at his hair. 

"You can't blame yourself for this, Castiel." Charlie comforted when he got off the phone. "We didn't know she was leaving town to go shopping. This is no one's fault but the asshole who did this to her, whatever it was." 

"I know. I just feel like I have let her down."

"The people who brought Deanna Winchester?" A man in a white coat said.

Charlie, Castiel, and Sam stood up. They walked over to the doctor.

"Is she alright?" Castiel asked immediately.

"We think she will be. Do any if you know what happened to her?"

"No, she came home exactly how we brought her." Sam spoke up. 

"She hasn't said anything since she got home." Charlie added. 

"Which one of you would be most likely to get her to speak? We have questions."

"Castiel." Charlie said. "He is her boyfriend. He might be able to if anyone can." 

"Castiel, will you come with me? I'll need everyone else to stay here while we question her." 

"Yes, of course."

The doctor walked Castiel to Deanna's room and let him in to have some alone time with her. He sat down in a chair beside the bed and grasped her cold hand. She didn't respond to him. 

"C'mon, De." He pleaded. "You gotta talk to them, baby girl." 

Her head lolled in Castiel's direction as her blank eyes stared at him. 

"I don't want to talk about it." Her voice was gruff, broken, an raspy. 

"You have to, baby." Castiel smoothed his fingers over her soft wrist. "We need to figure out who did this to you."

She turned her head away again before speaking. "You won't want me when you know."

"Nothing could stop me, Deanna. I love you, dammit." His words almost came out as a whimper. 

She pulled her wrist away from his grasp and tucked it against her breast. Castiel frowned deeper and felt his eyes sting. 

"Fine." Castiel stood up and walked to the door, only pausing to say one last thing. "Whenever you're ready to say something, I'm never far away." 

He left her alone to her thoughts, tainted as they were. The doctors knew what happened to her. How could they not, what with the extensive bruising, bleeding, and other things she'd rather not talk about. They'd decided to run a rape kit when she gave her permission. She had merely nodded when they asked. 

She did not want to tell Cas about it. He didn't need to know just how damaged she was yet. She'd have to tell him eventually, obviously, but she was going to prolong it as long as she could. 

The door opened once again and her brother came through, Charlie quick on his heels.

"De," Sam cried. "Are you okay? Please be okay, big sis."

Deanna just looked at him, the tears and sadness clear on his young face. He was scared too. He just didn't know why. 

"Deanna, you've gotta tell us sometime." Charlie said, standing on Deanna's left and grasping her hand tightly. She examined the hand and saw raw burns from a rope or some other rough fabric. Like she'd been restrained. Curiosity got the better of Charlie as she pulled back the blankets and looked at Deanna's ankles. The same burns were there too. Charlie felt like throwing up. 

Someone had tied down her friend and beat her and there's no telling what else.

But suddenly Charlie had an idea of just exactly what else. 

"Sam, can I have a moment with Deanna?" Sam began to protest, but instead he stood and left. "Say it ain't so, De. Tell me whoever did this didn't rape you." 

"I don't want to talk about it." Deanna said, voice destroyed and hoarse.

"No, De. You can't just fucking hide from me. Hide from the hospital and your goddamn brother, but do not hide from me." Charlie demanded. "We need to figure out who did this to you. Do you hear me, girl?"

Deanna nodded and closed her eyes. "I'm tired." 

((Sorry it's so short!!))


	13. Chapter 13

Deanna lay in the hard hospital bed and stared out the window, not even listening to John talk to her. She was only thinking about whether or not she should tell anyone. 

If they found out and she hasn't told them, they'd be angry with her. 

On the other hand, if she told them they would probably be disgusted and leave her. John would leave for California again and take Sam with him. Castiel would tell her he hated her and he would leave too. 

She didn't know what to do. Either way, she was in trouble. 

"I will love you forever, De." John said, giving her delicate hand a squeeze. She squeezed her eyes closed as a tear tried to fall. 

No. No, you won't.

***

John stroked her fingers in silence, thinking to himself. What had he done wrong? It had to be his fault she was hurt like this, somehow. 

He wasn't there to protect her. Maybe he hadn't trained her in hand to hand as well as he thought. Maybe he'd left her in incompetent hands. But he couldn't blame this on Castiel. When Deanna wants to do something, she usually does it. She for that trait from Mary and himself. 

His heart bled at the thought if his beautiful, late wife. With her blonde hair, soft green eyes, and sweet smile. Deanna was very much like her mother. 

He couldn't lose her too. 

***

Sam laid at home on the couch, holding Jessica to his chest. It was silent in the house. Violently quiet. 

Jessica turned in Sam's arms and looked into his ever changing eyes. This time they were blue to match his mood. 

"Hey." She said. 

"Yeah?" 

"She'll be okay." 

"I hope so." He kissed her forehead and hugged her tighter. 

***

Castiel sat in his bedroom, staring at the wall. He had ideas about what happened, but he was afraid to say them out loud. He was scared of what her answer might be.

***

How does one react to tragedy? Should they scream and cry? Or should they sit in silence, acting as though nothing happened? Or should they find ways to cope with what had happened, find support from those who love them?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very Graphic Scene™️ ahead. If you are easily triggered by NonConsensual sex please skip past this chapter.

Deanna sat up and twisted her fingers in the sheets. 

Castiel, John, and Sam sat close to her, waiting patiently. 

"You won't hate me?" She asked tentatively. 

"Not on the worst days." Castiel answered honestly. 

She took a deep breath and retold the events as she remembered them, distorted though they might be.

***  
★ ★ ☆ ★ ★  
(CAUTION READERS: POTENTIAL TRIGGER AHEAD)

Deanna started up the Impala and backed out of the drive. She was gonna head over to the city and get some new clothes and maybe look at some dresses for prom. So what if it was a little early to be considering dresses? A girl had to be ready, didn't she? 

She was going alone, knowing she'd be safe. John had dine a good job making sure she knew how to protect herself. 

When she pulled into the mall lot, she noticed many vehicles everywhere, as expected. She managed to find a parking space barely vacated ten seconds before and grabbed her bag as she exited the car. 

She walked in and pulled her bag close to her side. Just in case.

Deanna started her walk around the mall, looking in stores and picking maybe one or two things to buy. 

When she walked by Dillard's she heard a loud catcall from the fountain off in front of the store. She rolled her eyes at such rude people and felt sorry for the victim if such crudeness. 

She went in Dillard's and simply meandered around just looking. It felt as though she was being followed, but when she glanced around, she didn't see anything. Didn't mean there wasn't a threat. 

Still, she progressed like there was no one around who could be a threat to her safety, though she knew that to be false. She decided it was time to go, so she tightened her grip on her bags and reached inside her purse, grabbing hold of her very sharp knife in it's sheath. 

She deposited her bags into the trunk if the Impala and shut it, still feeling the presence stalking her. 

As she rounded the side of the Impala, someone reached out and grabbed her arm. She used her other hand to whip out the knife and slice through the air. She felt the blade slide through flesh and heard a loud curse.

"Bitch's carryin' a knife, Al!" The sliced man yelled as her arm was snagged and twisted behind her back. She didn't drop the knife, but swung her heel back and nailed a shin. She heard a grunt followed by yet another curse. 

"She's mean, ain't she?" The second person snarled. He twisted her arm harder until her fingers were forced to relinquish control if the knife. Her legs were then swept from beneath her and her ankles bound together. She continued to thrash in their arms until they dropped her. She started an army crawl beneath the car, snagging her knife on the way.

"Get back here, bitch!" The one called Al yelled. 

She scuttled faster and laid in her belly, unable to roll over or anything else but turn her head. 

She saw a set of large boots walk over to the side of the car. Quickly, she took the knife in her left hand and stabbed through the boot. The man screamed curses and hopped in the undamaged foot. Her ankle was grabbed and she was dragged forcefully from beneath the car. 

She flopped onto her back and went to stab the thigh above her but was knocked unconscious. 

★ ★ ☆ ★ ★

Slowly, Deanna blinked awake. She was unaware if her location and the black bag over her head wasn't helping her either. However she did feel the cold floor beneath her bare bottom and back with her wrists bound tightly above her head. She started to thrash and discovered her legs bound as well. 

"Ah, so. Our little abomination is awake!" A voice sounded out. 

She flinched at the word abomination. 

"It's kind of pretty if you ignore it's dick." Said the other man. 

"That it is." She heard laughter. "Maybe we should show it what being a woman means?"

"Yeah, we should." 

Deanna heard the distinct sound of a zipper being lowered and felt her heart stop before amping up. 

This can't be happening. 

Deanna felt hands on her hips as she was flipped into her belly and up onto her knees. She felt one if the guys kneel behind her and spread her ass cheeks. They spit on her hole and pressed the blunt head if their dick inside.

Pain streaked through her body as the head penetrated her virgin body. She heard him groan as he bottomed out. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she sobbed. The dark hood soaked up her tears but couldn't swallow her sound if despair as he began to move within her body. 

"Please, stop. Stop. Please." She begged on a mantra.

"Shut 'er up." The guy behind her said. 

"No, no, no, no." She sobbed as the hood was yanked up just below her nose. A hand grabbed her cheeks and pressed in, trying to force her mouth open. 

"Open up, tranny!" He squeezed harder, forcing her jaw open. 

He forced his dick into her mouth and started to fuck her face. 

"Bite me and we'll kill you." He growled.

More tears ran down her cheeks until she blacked out, feeling nothing. 

(Trigger End)  
☆ ☆ ★ ☆ ☆

Deanna came to alone. It was dark and her entire body ached. She didn't want to remember. She didn't want to remember, but she did.

She slowly got up after discovering her hands and feet unbound. She shuffled around the dark room for something to cover her still naked body. She was thankful to find her shirt and skirt in a pile. She slipped them on and found a door. She opened it and saw moonlight. She nearly sobbed. 

She saw the Impala untouched and undamaged. She walked closer to it and saw that her keys had managed to fall beneath the car. 

She bent over, nearly crying in pain, and picked them up. 

Driving half an hour wasn't fun on her sore bottom. She had no tears left to cry. She drove home and unlocked the front door on the house to find Sam, Castiel, Charlie, and even Meg sitting in the living room, each with varying expressions if worry and fear. The expressions changed as they saw her. Relief followed by horror crossed their eyes as they took in her appearance. 

Torn clothing, ratted hair, pained walk, blood down her legs, and tear-streaked face.

"My god, Deanna." Castiel lurched forward and caught her as she fell. "What happened?" 

She shook her head, refusing to speak. She just curled her fingers into Castiel's shirt. She buried her face into his chest to hide. She didn't want to face their reactions. 

***

None of them cried. They wouldn't do that to De. They squeezed her hands and her leg in encouragement. 

"We need to tell the police." John told her. 

★ ☆ ★

"I hear Deanna is actually a boy." Lilith whispered loudly, making sure Deanna could hear it. 

It'd been a couple of months since the incident and she was back in school. Now she was dealing with people spreading rumors about her. 

"Yeah, I heard that too." Anna whispered back. "I heard she has a dick and Castiel let's her fuck him."

Deanna closed her eyes tightly and put her head down. She felt like screaming.

***

"Sources say, your girlfriend is actually a boyfriend." Alastair said in his annoying, nasally voice. 

"Oh, yeah? Lilith say this?" Castiel asked calmly, as though the rumors were ridiculous simply because they were. Deanna was obviously a girlfriend, she just happened to have something else. 

"She did, and both know she's always right." 

"Yeah, right. Whatever, dude." Castiel rolled his eyes and walked away, having heard the bell ending class. 

Castiel found Deanna in the hallway, head down and arms clasped tightly around her binder. Castiel grabbed her arm delicately and felt a marginal bit of tension leave her body as she drifted close to his side. They walked in silence to their last class and sat down with Castiel directly in front of her. He turned and held her hand in his, smoothing his thumb over the back of her hand. She gave a tight smile and squeezed his hand. 

"Don't listen to their shit, okay, De?" 

"Yeah, I'm not. I'm just tired." She laid her head down and sighed. 

Castiel ran his fingers through her soft hair to relax her some. 

Class started and passed with whispers. Castiel ignore them and kept hold of her hand all period. 

He felt like standing up and yelling at them to shut the hell up and find a new hobby, but that would only make matters worse.

The bell released them from class and they went outside to Castiel's car. He drove them to Deanna's and stopped the car. They went inside and laid on her bed. It was quiet and comfortable. Deanna stayed curled into Castiel's chest, tears falling quietly. 

"You know I love you no matter what, don't you?" Castiel said quietly. Deanna nodded and tightened her fingers. "Good, because when we graduate I'm packing up your things and my things and we are driving away from here and we'll never look back.

"I'm going to buy us a house and we're going to make it perfect. We can even bring Sam with us once he graduates. We'll get your procedure and no one will ever question you again." 

Castiel talked Deanna to sleep. He hated her feeling this way. It wasn't her goddamn fault and those people were only making matters worse and that's exactly what they wanted to do. Make her miserable. And Castiel was not going to stand for it. 

Next time he heard someone talking shit, he'd beat the hell out of them. Hell, he'd kill them.

★ ☆ ★

It wasn't his fault Azazel had a broken nose! It wasn't his fault at all. Azazel shouldn't have told Deanna she was a freak. He shouldn't have insulted Deanna. 

Castiel was sitting in front of the receptionist desk waiting for the principal to finish with Azazel. Of course, Alistair was throwing it way out of proportion and lying. Castiel knew that for a fact. Why would he tell the truth? 

"Mr. Collins, Principal Purdy will see you now." The receptionist said, whatever her name was. 

Castiel got up and walked around to the door and entered.

"Please, sit, Mr. Collins." Mr. Purdy said. "I would like to hear your story on why Alistair has a broken nose." 

"You've heard the rumors about Deanna Winchester, right?" Castiel started. When Mr. Purdy nodded Castiel continued. "He walked up to her and called her a he, which is misgendering and rude to anyone. On top of this Deanna is already in a state of emotional turmoil." Castiel took a breath to calm down. Mr. Purdy patiently waited. "I'm not going to tolerate people trying to make her situation worse, something Lilith seems bent on doing. Alistair does what Lilith says and when he called her a freak and a he, I snapped and broke his nose. Do what you want with me, but I will not say I am remorseful when I am not."

"I understand why you did what you did, but you should have come to me first." Mr. Purdy wrote something on a slip of paper. "Obviously, you and Alistair have different stories, so I'm going to have to talk to Deanna and other people as well. For now, neither of you are in trouble. You won't be until I get more information around this." 

"Alright. Can I go back to class now?" 

"Yes, you can. I hope you're telling the truth, Mr. Collins, for you sake." 

"I am, sir." Castiel got up and walked back to class in time for the bell to ring, dismissing them to lunch. He found Deanna in the hallway and walked hand and hand with her to lunch, neither saying anything. 

They took their customary seats and allowed the period to pass with Charlie's pleasant chattering.


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel received two days ISS, or in school suspension, for assaulting another student, not that he was complaining. He was only worried about Deanna being alone, even though Charlie and Meg would eat anyone alive who tried to mess with her. 

Alistair, however, recieved a week for bullying. He and Lilith were both furious, but they hadn't provided similar stories when Deanna, Charlie, Meg, Jo, and even a few other kids had provided nearly identical stories. 

Regardless, it sent a message that bullying wouldn't be tolerated in their school. 

Deanna was slowly "going back to normal" and was being closer to what she was when she originally moved in.

★ ☆ ★

"I swear to god, Castiel!" Deanna squealed. "No, stop! Quit it!!" She laughed uproarishly as she thrashed beneath Castiel. 

"No! I won't quit until you give me a kiss!" He laughed and tickled her sensitive sides again. 

"Okay, okay! If you'll stop!" She giggled. 

Castiel stopped, not keep his hands close by her sides should she try to escape. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

"That's all I wanted." He said with a smile. 

"I know." She smiled back and pecked his lips again. 

"You're cute." Castiel said as he poked her nose. 

"So you say." 

"So I know." 

"Ey, Romeo, Juliet, I'm going out to see Jess. Don't burn down the house." Sam said as he poked his head in the door. 

"Shut up, Sam." Deanna threw a pillow and hit the door. Loud cackling followed until the front door shut. "That kid is annoying," Deanna said through a smile. 

"Yeah, but you love him."

"Because I have to," she pointed out.

"But you love me and you don't have to." Castiel rolled to his side and fingered a lock of her hair. 

"True, because I am not related to you. Which would be really weird, I I was," she stated with a smile and a shudder. 

"Yeah, no." Castiel shivered and thought for a minute. "You know, your birthday is in three days."

"I know. I'll finally be eighteen." She sighed. 

"Mhm. I was thinking, maybe you'd like to go somewhere nice with me?" 

"Of course." She smiled. "What're you thinking?" 

"Now, now, Deanna," Castiel chastised. "I can't tell you that. It would ruin all of it."

"Whatever." She smiled anyway and poked his chest. "You're no fun."

★ ☆ ★

"Open your eyes." Castiel untied the blindfold and tucked it into his back pocket. He bit his lip and Deanna gasped. 

"It's beautiful," she whispered. 

"You really think so?" He asked nervously. 

"Absolutely." She walked up to the front door of Castiel's father's cabin and pushed the beautifully decorated door open to reveal a table in the middle with tall candlesticks and gleaming plates. Not only that, but there was soft music playing in the background. 

Castiel walked Deanna over to the small, intimate table and pulled put a chair for her to sit. Castiel sat opposite her and rang a little bell.

"What?" Deanna began curiously.

Sam, Lucifer, and Jess all came from a doorway, each one dressed in sharp, black clothes. They each gave a slight bow or curtsie to the couple at the table. 

"Tonight, I have cooked up something delicious for you," Lucifer started. "We also have some red wine if you would enjoy some of that." 

Deanna smiled at Castiel's weird, adorable brother. 

"Yes, please. Wine would be perfect." Castiel answered. Lucifer stepped back on a slight bow. 

"I will bring out the wine in a moment." Sam bowed again and left the room on Lucifer's heels. 

"This is so cute!" Jess whispered before clearing her throat. "I am to make sure you both have a pleasant experience and that you enjoy your food, which should be out in about ten minutes." Jess curtsied in her black and white dress before departing for the kitchen.

"Did you plan all of this?" Deanna asked. 

"Yeah, with a little help from your dad and Lucifer and Charlie." He smiled and took her hand. "Do you like it, really?" 

"Yes, definitely." She looked around and saw the walls had small candles on little ledges. The candles were the only light and it was perfect. 

"I'm glad." Castiel kissed her hand just as the door swung open with Sam carrying two wine glasses and a bottle of wine. He set them down and carefully poured the liquid into the glasses. 

"Thank you," Deanna said. She picked up her glass and took a sip. 

Castiel followed suit and smiled happily. 

"Lady, sir, I have you dinner." Jess set down domed plates in front of each of them. "Please enjoy!" 

She clapped once and turned quickly.

Deanna lifted the top on her plate and laughed. Castiel grinned, already knowing what was under them. 

"Burgers, Cas?" She asked jovially. "It's perfect." 

"I'm glad you like it." Castiel lifted his own dome and set it off to the side. 

***

Sam peeked out the kitchen door, Jess beneath him and Lucifer above him. They watched Deanna eat and laugh at Castiel. 

Satisfied they were enjoying themselves, the trio pulled their heads back in and leaned against the counter. 

"This is the sweetest thing I have ever witnessed." Jess said dreamily. 

"It is." Lucifer agreed. "I just wish I had a honey to this for." 

"This one is mine." Sam said jokingly as he wrapped an arm around Jess's shoulders an squeezed her to him. 

"Oh, I'm not into your girlfriend, Sam." Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"I don't know if I should be insulted or not." Jess said thoughtfully. 

"I mean no insult, Jess." Lucifer patted her hand.

"So, Sam, when are you going to do this for me?" Jess teased. Sam blushed. 

"I... Uhm... I don't..."

"Relax, Sam, I was only joking." Jess elbowed his side. 

"Oh." 

"It's okay, Sam. No one is going to make you do anything yet." Jess told him. "I don't expect anything this drastic this new in our relationship." 

"That's a relief." 

"Sam, go offer them a refill on the wine. I'll drive them home anyway." Lucifer shooed Sam out the door with the bottle in hand. 

"Don't be too hard on the boy," Lucifer said. "He's new to all this, poor kid." 

"I know." Jess sighed.


	16. Chapter 16

Deanna was so ready to graduate. She was too excited to be finished with high school. She was tired of all of it. 

She was just happy to see John in the audience of parents and siblings. He had managed to get off for the week and was going to be there for Deanna.

Unfortunately, Deanna and Castiel were at opposite ends if the line, so they couldn't stand next to each other and hold hands. They still found each other's eyes and gave strong smiles. Charlie was close to Castiel and she gave thumbs up to both of them. 

Deanna's name was called and she walked across the stage, head held high and unwavering. 

In her head she chanted Invictus by William Henley.

Out of the night that covers me,  
Black as the pit from pole to pole,  
I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance,  
I have not winced nor cried aloud.  
Under the bludgeonings of chance,  
My head is bloody but unbowed. 

Beyond this place of wrath and tears  
Looms but the Horror of the shade.  
Yet the menace of the years  
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,  
How charges with punishments the scroll.  
I am the master of my fate.  
I am the captian of my soul. 

For Deanna felt like she had passed through a hard time in her life, and now her head is bloody, but unbowed. Fitting. 

She shook hands with Mr. Purdy and Mr. Biersack, the superintendent, and walked down the rest of the stage, smiling.

John and Sammy took a hundred pictures of her and Castiel as they walked across. 

All of the graduates joined in a line and walked around the audience, giving all the parents good oppurtunities to get pictures of their kids. 

Deanna smiled the entire time and hugged her father when they were allowed to leave. 

Castiel joined them and held Deanna's hand in his. 

"My baby girl, all grown up," John whispered in her ear. 

"Dad," she whined. "You're gonna make me cry." 

"I'm sorry, baby girl," he hugged her tighter. "It feels like just yesterday you were four." 

"I know, dad." She detached from him and hugged Sam. 

"Doesn't an old man get a hug for his efforts to get down here?" An familiar, old voice said from behind her. She looked in Sam's face and he nodded. 

"Bobby!" She cried as she flung her arms around the old man. "I missed you so much!"

"I know, I've missed you too." Bobby switched Deanna to under his arm and looked at Castiel. "Who might this be?" 

"This is the fellow I told you about," John said. "Castiel, meet Bobby." 

Castiel stepped forward and offered his hand in a firm handshake. 

"Good to finally meet ya, boy." Bobby shook his hand. "Deanna is just as much my little girl as she is John's. Be careful, son."

"Yes, sir." Castiel nodded. 

"Bobby, lay offa him, will ya?" Deanna said, pushing at his side. 

"Alright, alright." He grinned down at her and squeezed her once more. 

"Let's go out to eat, what do you say?" John offered, receiving a chorus of yes. 

Once the caps and gowns were lifted off and over Deanna and Castiel's heads they got in vehicles and drove away. Deanna opted to ride with Bobby since she hasn't seen him in a long time. Castiel sat in the back, albeit awkwardly, and listened to Deanna talk animatedly with the man.   
She talked about life and Castiel, carefully avoiding the incident. Only when they arrived at the restaurant did she stop telling him about everything under the sun. 

"C'mon, Castiel." Deanna got out and stood next to Bobby as they waited for John and Sam to get out. Castiel stood beside Deanna a grabbed her hand, giving her a large smile and walked up the steps to get in the building.

"Hello," the hostess said. "Five?" 

Sam, in typical teen fashion, said, "You can see them too?"

"What?" The hostess said as she cradled the menus close to her chest.

"Nothing." John grasped Sam's shoulder tightly and smiled. "Yes, we have five." 

"Okay, please follow me." She smiled and walked off toward the dining area. She sat them down and handed them their menus before taking off again.

"Good one, Sam." Bobby winked at him and began looking over his menu.

"Don't encourage the boy, Bobby," John admonished. 

They looked over the menus in virtual silence until a waitress came over for their drink orders. She smiled and left to get their drinks and wait for them to decide. 

"What's good here?" Bobby asked.

"Oh, the sirloin steak is perfect," John commented. 

"Sounds good to me," Bobby said, folding up his menu and setting down. 

When the waitress returned, drinks on a tray, she asked if they were ready. They nodded and spit off their orders one by one. She wrote them down quickly and parted them. 

"So, Bobby, how goes Sioux Falls?" Sam asked. 

"Looks the same as it did when y'all left. Jodi is still working her tail off as sheriff. Sometimes Rufus comes around and has me bury something he hit, the bastard," Bobby said as he shook his head. "Nothing news worthy has happened out there." 

"Not what I heard," John commented with a smile. 

"John," Bobby said in a warning tone.

"What?" 

"What's he talking about, Bobby?" Deanna asked, sudden curious. 

"Nothing." Bobby glared at John. 

"Now you are going to have to tell them. They won't give up." John shrugged as he warned him. 

"When we get home, I will figure it out," Deanna declared.


	17. Chapter 17

Deanna sat down opposite Bobby and crossed her legs. 

"You will cave, old man," John said as he walked by on his way to the kitchen to drop off the to go boxes from the restaurant.

"If you'da kept ya mouth shut, I wouldn't be in this situation!" Bobby yelled back at John's retreating form. 

"You know she was going to find out sometime." Sam said. "Even if I don't know what you're hiding, I know Deanna would figure out your secret and then she'd be upset you never told her. Do you wanna deal with that?"

"No, dammit," Bobby grumbled unhappily. 

"What is it you aren't telling me, Bobby?" She finally asked. "Don't make me call Jodi and have her tell me." She pulled out her phone and unlocked it. She dialed Castiel's number, knowing it was on silent, and put the phone to her ear. As it rang Bobby got fidgety and finally snapped. 

"Fine!" He threw his hands up and slapped his thighs. His face was red in embarrassment as he spoke. "I met someone and we've been seeing each other for three months."

"And I'm just hearing about this?" Deanna accused as she sat back, arms and legs crossed with one perfect brow raised. 

"I know, I know." Bobby sighed. 

"So... who is it?" Deanna encouraged.

"No one you know." 

"And?

"And what?"

"And what's the name, birth date, arrest history, parents' names, you know the drill," Deanna said impatiently.

"And the name is Crowley Sheppard, born forever ago, just like me, and I ain't tellin' you the rest, girl," Bobby griped unhappily.

"Crowley Sheppard? That's a weird name." Castiel commented.

"Yeah,m well, it's better than Fergus MacCleod, ya nosey idjit.

Deanna rolled her eyes at Bobby and patted his knee.

"Calm down, Bobby. He was just making an observation. Now, how's this Crowley treating you? Where is he now?" Deanna questioned.

"He's still in Sioux Falls, s'far's I know." Bobby shrugged, embarrassed as only an old man can be. "And he treats me fine. I could kick his ass if I wanted to."

"I'm sure you could, old man." Deanna smiled at her adopted uncle. He got so crotchety when he had to share secrets.

"Don't be doubtin' me, Deanna," Bobby warned, finger pointed in her direction.

"I'm not!" She defended laughing. "So, what's he do?"

"I don't know. Somethin' to do with ten year contracts," Bobby waved his hand noncommittally.

"Hmph... That's weird." Deanna commented.

"Eh, it is what it is. Now that you're done meddling, I'm gonna git." Bobby heaved his body from his seat and groaned. "I'm getting too old for this. I'll see you kids tomorrow."

"God, I love pestering that old man." Deanna smiled and leaned into Castiel's side. "C'mon, lets go to my room for some celebratory making out." 


	18. Chapter 18

"You know, today is the day I moved here." Deanna mentioned as she lay cradled in Castiel's arms. 

"A whole year." Castiel whispered into her hair. 

"Mhm." She looked up at Castiel and smiled. Castiel leaned down and pecked her lips. 

"We should probably get going." Castiel said. Deanna agreed and sat up, smoothing down her T-shirt. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" 

"Yes. I have waited nearly fifteen years for this, Cas." She grasped his hand and kissed him. "Will you drive? I don't think I could right now." 

"Yeah, of course." Castiel grabbed her keys and her hand and carried her outside. He sat her down in the passenger seat and crossed to the driver side. He clasped her hand tightly and played some classic rock to soothe her nerves.

****

Hours compounded on hours had Castiel on edge. She'd be okay, he knew, but it didn't calm his nerves like he wished it would. Surely a procedure like this wouldn't take that long? They probably had to prep her, do the surgery, put her into recovery or something, right? 

Castiel glanced at his watch. He'd been sitting in the hospital for thirty minutes.

So maybe he was more nervous than he was letting on. He went up to the reception desk and asked the pretty young nurse there to call him when Deanna Winchester came out of surgery. She said of course and took down his number in Deanna's file. He thanked her and walked out the door, going quickly to the Impala. He got inside and took a deep breath and let it out. She'd be okay. 

He started the Impala and drove to a shop. Inside he eased his quaking as best he could and bought a pound of chocolate (it had to be a pound! Deanna was gonna need it!), a big, blue stuffed teddy bear, and the biggest rainbow slinky he could find. When he went to check out the guy behind the desk squinted his eyes at the assortment. 

"Girlfriend on her period, mate?" The cashier asked. His name tag read Chris.

"No, actually she is in surgery right now, douche bag. I'm trying to get her something so she can feel okay when she gets out. Now if you'd point me to the pie, I'd be more than happy to pay for this and not smash your face into your rib cage." Castiel snarled, the nerves obviously showing through his anger. 

"Uhm, I think we're out." Chris said as he shrugged, obviously not caring at the moment. 

"You don't understand." Castiel grabbed the kid's blue vest and yanked him close. "I. Need. Pie."

The kid spluttered and hurried off to find some pie. Castiel took a deep breath again and leaned on the counter. Chris came back quickly with an apple pie and rang everything up. 

"H-have a nice day, sir!" Chris called out to Castiel as he left. 

Castiel loaded everything into the Impala as his phone began to ring. 

"Hello?" He answered. 

"Yes, Mr. Collins, Ms. Winchester is in recovery." The sweet voice came over. 

"Alright. I'll be there in a minute." Castiel started the Impala carefully, knowing Deanna would kick his ass if he fucked the beautiful car up. He drove as fast as he dared and carried everything up. He was told he could see her in twenty minutes and to just wait in the the seats until he could go in. He waited, vibrating in his seat so he could go see her. 

"Mr. Collins, if you'd like you can go see Ms. Winchester now, if you'd like." The nurse told him. His heart skipped a beat and he thanked her as he gathered up everything and went to room 221 in Hall B. He cracked open the door and looked inside. She was laying down and looked kind of nervous. She saw Castiel and smiled at him happily, if not drowsily. 

"Hey, baby," Castiel said with a smile. 

"Hi." She gestured him closer. 

"How do you feel?" He put down the things he'd grabbed and held softly to her hand. 

"Loopy." She giggled and played with his fingers. 

"I brought you some pie." He kissed her hand, each fingertip receiving a gentle kiss.

"Really? Flavor?" 

"Apple."

"Awessome." She closed her eyes and sighed. 

"Mhm. Had to threaten the cashier to get it too." Castiel gingerly touched her cheekbone with his left hand. 


	19. Chapter 19

"Cas!" Deanna called. 

"What?" 

"We have to leave in ten minutes or we won't make it to Sammy's graduation!" She slung her bag onto her shoulder and tapped her foot. 

"I'm coming, sheesh!" Castiel came barreling down the hallway. 

"Get in the car, boy!" She walked outside and sank down into the leather of the Impala's seat, Castiel actually not that far behind her. 

"I thought women took longer to get ready." Deanna playfully complained as she pulled out of their drive.

"Yeah, well, you already had what you were going to wear out. You even had your color palette out and you didn't change your mind about anything!" Castiel defended. "Besides, you distracted me." 

"Oh, did I?" She smiled at him.

"Yeah. With your long legs shaved so smoothly." Castiel stroked the thigh of one of the aforementioned legs. "You're kind of hard to resist and you know it." 

"Mm, sometimes." She put her hand on his and held it. 

"Sometimes, my dick." Castiel snorted. 

"Oh, hush." Deanna squeezed his hand. "I love you." 

"I love you, too." They sat in comfortable silence until they reached the old school where Sam was graduating from. This was the longest he'd ever stayed some where and Deanna was more than happy he was so happy being there. 

She pulled into the lot and parked next to Bobby's old, beat-up 1971 Chevrolet Chevelle, thanking her lucky stars she managed to snag a spot next to him. 

Inside, John and Bobby hugged Deanna tightly. They shook Castiel's hand, each man pulling him in for a "manly" hug. No such thing, in Deanna's books. A hug is a hug is a hug. 

They sat down and waited for the procession to begin. 

****

Sam hugged Deanna to his suddenly tall body and rocked from side to side. 

"I've missed you so much!" Sam said loudly. 

"Sam, you saw me three days ago." Deanna's voice was muffled by Sam's huge shoulder. 

"I know, but these past four years, you haven't been around near as much as I'm used to." Sam pulled her back and kept hold of her shoulders. 

"I know. It's been a little weird for me too, but I have Castiel to keep me distracted, if ya know what I mean." Deanna winked at her little brother. 

"Deanna, I don't want a reason to kill your fiance." John said from behind her. 

"Me either." Bobby's gruff old voice said. 

"You wouldn't kill him, 'cause then I'd be sad." Deanna pointed out as she wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist. 

"True, true." John conceded. "Still. My baby girl is never going to have sex."

"You keep believing that, old man." Deanna kissed Castiel's jaw, loving the feel of his stubble on her lips. 

"Well, now that that's been settled, let's go eat!" Sam clapped once before he tore the gown over his head. "We need to celebrate my acceptance into Stanford!"

"Stanford?" Deanna and John asked simultaneously.

"Yes, didn't I tell you?" Sam looked away for a moment and then back. 

"No, you didn't." Deanna said, one hip cocked and her hand resting on its rounded curve.

"Well, I meant to," Sam said. "I told Castiel to tell you, didn't I, Cas?" 

"Actually, you told me specifically not to tell Deanna or John." Castiel provided the information as though it wouldn't get Sam in trouble.

"You've got some 'splainin' to do." Deanna pointed at Sam. "Now, who're you riding with to The Roadhouse?"

"I wanna ride with you and Cas." Sam said.

"Hello, boys." An English accent said from behind Bobby. "And Deanna."

"Crowley." John nodded his head once, his distaste clear in his movements. 

"Winchester." The distaste was mutual. 

"Bobby, why did you have to bring him?" Sam whined.

"Because his mother was going to visit and he just had to have an excuse to come down." Bobby explained, crossing his arms and glaring at his family. "Don't you get that way with me."

"Fine, whatever. Why haven't we left yet?" 

"I don't know."


	20. Chapter 20

Deanna swept her hair up on top of her head and padded on the cold floors to the nursery. The adoption was final and had been for about three months. They had a tiny baby boy to care for that they could raise like their own. 

She bent over the crying baby's crib and lifted him up onto her shoulder.

"Sh sh sh sh." She bounced in an attempt to calm the wailing as she walked grabbed the whole shebang to get him changed and fed. She changed Jensen quickly and deftly and propped him against her shoulder yet again as she got his bottle ready one-handed. 

"You're really good at that." A sleepy Castiel said from the doorway. 

"Thanks." She popped the nipple in little Jensen's mouth and held him as he closed his big eyes and suckled like he'd never eat again, his pretty little lips going. His little fists were clenched tightly to his sides. Deanna looked down at his tiny face, wondering how she had ever managed to snag just a wonderful man six years ago and he had yet to leave her. They'd married a year after Sam graduated, the whole ordeal fairly small, consisting only of Charlie, John, Bobby, Ellen, and Sam. 

Now they had this tiny baby to take care of and they were going to do it well.

"When he's finished feeding, I'll put him to bed, okay?" Castiel said. "You need your sleep."

"Okay." Deanna nodded tiredly. 

"What do you say, this Saturday, we take Jen to Ellen and let her watch him. She's been chomping at the bit to get a weekend with him."

"Do you think we should?"

"Oh, yeah. I think we need a weekend to ourselves. It'll be the first in like four months." Castiel slumped at the table. "We need a break."

"Okay, we can. He's finished." Deanna pulled the nipple back from the slack mouth and set it on the counter. "Here you go." Deanna handed him off to Castiel carefully and watched her husband take him to the nursery to put him down. 

She rinsed out the glass bottle and set it in the sink so she could wash it the next day. 

"We do need a weekend." She whispered to herself. 

She shuffled to her bedroom and laid down, almost falling asleep instantly.

****

Saturday blessed them. 

Deanna packed everything Ellen would need plus some. She wanted the baby to have as much as possible so nothing would be amiss.

When they dropped Jensen off, he smiled a gummy smile and clasped and unclasped his hands in Ellen's direction.

"There's my baby boy!" She said, grabbing hold of him and lifting him. He twisted his fingers in her shirt and make little gurgling noises.

"You have our numbers, right?" Deanna asked despite already knowing the answer.

"Yes, I do. Quit your fretting." Ellen bounced on her heels and patted the baby. "Jensen will be okay, I promise."

"Okay, okay." Castiel grabbed Deanna's arm and began to guide her down the drive. "Let's go, Dee, let's go."

"I'm coming, I'm coming."

Inside the car, Deanna started it up and drove to the Pit. They went in and were seated in the corner. 

"Are you sure he'll be okay?" Deanna fretted. 

"Yes, Deanna. He'll be a little angel for her and nothing will happen." Castiel reassured her. "Order your food and when we leave here, we can have some alone time." He winked at her and brushed the inside of her wrist with his finger, a sensitive zone. Goosebumps broke out on her arm and she smiled at him. 

"We haven't done that in a long time." She said. 

"I know, believe me, I know." 

They ordered and ate their food leisurely, not having a deadline. 

When they walked out they were hand in hand.

At home, Castiel had Deanna lifted up with her legs wrapped securely around his waist. He kissed her, passion long-suppressed surfacing and taking them over completely. 

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're seeing this, it means you have made it to the end.   
Thank you for taking time to read this and I really hope that you enjoyed it!! Feel free to drop a comment and I'll be more than happy to respond!!


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